Rudy Giuliani Says Anybody Who Puts Him In Jail Going To Heaven When They Die
Discover more from Wonkette
Rudy Giuliani Says Anybody Who Puts Him In Jail Going To Heaven When They Die
A stopped brain is right twice a DERP.
Poor Rudy. Poor, poor Rudy.
No literally, it sounds like Rudy Giuliani's pretty poor these days, because Donald Trump won't pay no legal bills for him. Maggie Haberman says according to Rudy's pals, whatever pals he has left, he is B-R-O-K-E as a J-O-K-E. File that one in your "when bad things happen to bad people" spank bank.
But Rudy is just so upset and he swears he is innocent of all crimes past, present and future, and he says he'll go to jail if he has to, but whoever puts him there is gonna hear about it. IN HEAVEN.
Lotta fun quotes here, though, we'll get to that part when we get to it.
"I committed no crime," the former New York mayor told NBC, apparently unprompted during an interview about the forthcoming 20th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, conducted at the 9/11 Memorial and Museum in downtown Manhattan.
"And if you think I did commit a crime, you're probably really stupid because you don't know who I am."
Who among us doesn't say unprompted that during interviews about the 20th anniversary of 9/11?
Rudy says he couldn't POSSIBLY have been a secret unregistered foreign agent for hostile foreign powers, because you know why? Because in a former life he prosecuted people for crimes!
"As the guy who put the mafia in jail, terrorists in jail, put [former mayor] Ed Koch's commissioners in jail and the worst people on Wall Street, I'm not going to file [as an agent]?" Giuliani asked, referring to highlights of his time as a prosecutor before becoming mayor.
As we all know, you have to choose either prosecuting crimes or doing crimes, and no lawman in human history has ever done a crime. Or multiple crimes. Forget that for some reason, dude has, at least for now, lost his ability to practice law in DC and New York, and that that's actually unrelated to the reasons the FBI raided him a few months ago. We know he's under criminal investigation for Ukraine stuff. Is there more? Only prosecutors know. But he can't have possibly done crime!
"I mean, that is crazy."
That is crazy!
He also said he was "more than willing to go to jail if they want to put me in jail. And if they do, they're going to suffer the consequences in heaven."
Sounds like Rudy is unclear on how "heaven" works. Does heaven have D-Hall for wayward saints? Oh well, point is if people put Rudy in jail, they've got a one-way ticket TO HEAVEN, says Rudy, and he might not be wrong.
Know who's not gonna suffer the consequences in heaven?
"I'm not."
That was still Rudy talking, and if we're reading the transcript correctly, we guess he probably thinks he's saying heaven for him is going to be all chram-yanking and candy stripers, as opposed to "consequences heaven," where the bad Rudy-jailers go. Of course, he could also be saying he's probably personally going to hell.
This has been a morning contemplation of what happens to people who put Rudy Giuliani in jail when they die.
Soli deo gloria and shit.
[ Guardian ]
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter .
Wonkette is funded ALL BY LOVELY READERS. No corporate funny business here! Click below to donate.
Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .
Rudy Giuliani Says Anybody Who Puts Him In Jail Going To Heaven When They Die
Rudy is broke because he had 11 country club memberships to pay for, and he assumed the MAGA money train would keep chugging along the twisted track for 4 more years. That’s what all this election shit has always been about…grifting. Roodles has been taking huge amounts of money from Ukraine and Russia thugs and lord knows who else as a “consultant” for years, leveraging his relationship with Trump and what’s left of his reputation as former mayor of NYC. But it all came crashing down when Trump lost. Now what? Who will pay Roodles’ millions to be a wingnut in Biden’s America? Trump has no use for him, and now the bill is coming due for recklessly attacking Dominion and other businesses with baseless conspiracy theories. Maybe he and Melissa Carone can open a duet in Vegas.
Isn't it interesting how suddenly Trump won't take Rudy's calls? We all knew at some point Trump would claim to have never met Rudy and would be tossing him under the bus. Seriously, these Republicans NEVER learn. Trump has a history of betrayal of anyone who he feels has been disloyal to him (real or imagined). I don't know if Rudy thought he might be one of the lucky ones, but obviously he is just another sucker who fell for Trump's BS and swore fealty to him. And the other still will not learn from this. They will continue to hang on and support him. They will all be tossed under the bus by Trump if he thinks it will save his own rear end. I honestly don't see what the attraction to Trump is. They seem to hang on his every word and genuflect on cue. It's weird. I swear that if he belches, these idiots think it's the New York Philharmonic.