Good morning! There are so many stories happening in the wake of the Democrats’ glorious victory, how do we pick you just 10 or so tabs? Answer: we don’t! You get what you get!
First, a quick reminder from the person who literally wrote the book on Stephen Miller, of what motivates the ugliest, oldest-looking, most decrepit man in Donald Trump’s White House:
Related, Miller wants to throw journalists IN JAIL, because he and Trump’s DOJ are so pathetically insecure about leaks. [Independent]
He is also (apparently) ghostwriting some VERY SCAAAAARY tweets for Grandpa Dementia’s Truth Social. [JoeMyGod]
Republican Senator Ron Johnson, formerly known in these parts as the stupidest of all of them, is calling out the Trump administration as corrupt. Before you think he got a brain or some integrity, understand that Johnson is up for reelection in 2028, and he is the lowest-hanging fruit in a cycle that’s full of it. [Washington Post]
The CEO of Nvidia was having an affair with a Chinese spy and Donald Trump knew about it and was just … fine with it? [New York Times]
Todd Blanche, Donald Trump’s little French bulldog/pomeranian mix wearing a bow because he was such a good boy at the groomer, is making lots of dramatic and scary barking noises about putting Democrats who suggest impeaching/investigating Republicans IN JAIL. It is all very impressive to Daddy, we are sure. [JoeMyGod / Bluesky]
Very likely next Speaker Hakeem Jeffries (sorry, it’s true, just reporting the truth) says he’s fully in support of impeaching the living shit out of Pete Hegseth. So that means literally every Democrat will vote for it.
Reminder: that’s coming likely this week.
Senator-Elect Abdul El-Sayed explains that Donald Trump is an “unserious fool” and that all dealings with him should take that into account. [Fox News]
The New York Times is doing Cletus Safaris to North Texas to find out how old white creeps are handling being upset over getting their entire asses handed to them. [New York Times]
We hate to say it, but Ross Douthat did not do a terrible job interviewing Donald Trump on 60 Minutes, but maybe that’s just how senile and pathetic and disturbed Donald Trump has become, he even fucks himself during “friendly” interviews. Here he is whining that Ukraine hasn’t been sufficiently respectful to Russia:
Wait until you see the clip where Douthat confronts Trump on getting three billion bucks richer in office and Trump claims that everybody has done that.
As they continue to count votes in Mississippi, and Scott Colom gets closer and closer to becoming the senator, a good reminder that Mississippi has one of the harshest lifetime voting bans for people who have been convicted of crimes. It’s one of the many ways white supremacist Mississippi men have tried to keep Black people enslaved. Understand that Colom is going to win in spite of that. [Bolts]
Oh boy, Stephen Miller’s creep wife is very upset that Saturday Night Live made fun of Elon Musk this weekend. Way to remind us of all those rumors, Katie. Also that video of Sarah McBride saying Trump elevated Stephen Miller because he wants somebody even more hated than him in the “cuck chair” just got funnier to us. [Twitter]
Oh, you haven’t seen that video?
Also Katie Miller’s podcast is ending. Another midterm victory! [Washington Post]
Donald Trump was only DOING A JOKE about hiring the UFC guy Dana White to be his press secretary, can’t you even identify DOING A JOKE? [New York Times]
Incoming House Oversight Committee chair Robert Garcia wants y’all to know what you maybe do not understand about him.
Let’s end it there.
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Aww'dvarks. More about the lovey-dovey aardvarks in your hed gif: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/aardvark-affection
Also, here is your meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/1198b8f4-4305-4b9f-bb4e-7594bdfc5b37
All press secretary noms are named Dana White just like all Senate candidates from Alaska are named Dan Sullivan. That's just science, and also a joke and why can't you take a joke? No, no, Granpa Klanpa wasn't confused, you're confused.