Sadness Consumes Us As Leading Demoncrat Challenger To Bachmann Prematurely Ejaculates From Race

If you've been paying attention at all (WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION, PEOPLE?) you will recall that one Michele Bachmann has decided not to run again in Minnesota's 6th Congressional District and yr Wonkette is bereft because the Editrix will probably have to lay one of us off for lack of material now. However, the whole not-running-again thing has led to many delightful rounds of "indictment or presidential run or both" speculation. But even that parlor game cannot shake off our deep sadness at finding out that the guy that almost beat Bachmann last time around, skull-crushingly rich Democrat dude Jim Graves, is not going to run again:  

Graves, a 59-year-old businessman and hotel owner, pushed Bachmann hard in 2012, when she was coming off a longshot campaign for the presidency. Graves lost by fewer than 4,300 votes, about one percent of the total. He had announced his candidacy again for 2014, hoping that Bachmann's series of controversies would finally spell her doom in the GOP-friendly 6th.

When Bachmann announced her plans not to seek a fifth term earlier this week, Graves said he looked forward to facing whomever the GOP put on the ticket to replace her. He said she had recognized "it would be an uphill battle for her going forward."

Without Bachmann as a flashpoint for opposition, the 6th could be a GOP slam-dunk.

Translation: Bachmann was so crazevil that she might have been defeated by a liebrul, but a not-so-crazevil Republican will probably win that district. True, but we don't have to like it!

What we DO like, however, is the sharks circling blood in the water feeding frenzy that Minnesota GOPers are engaging in as they line up for the seat. The whole thing is like a who's who of terrible. There's Tom Emmer, who ran (AND LOST) for governor back in 2010 and who is most notable as being a complete fucking tool who thought that waiters made $100,000 and should be taxed accordingly. There's current state representative Peggy Scott, whose heart broke when she found out teh gheys could get married. There's state Senator Michelle Fischbach, who comes with the bonus of a husband who runs Minnesota's largest and creepiest anti-abortion group. Finally, there's former Secretary of State/current state senator Mary Kiffmeyer, a woman whose singular achievement as SOS was to try to make it so Native Americans couldn't use their tribal ID to vote. Kiffmeyer also, too, is the voter ID-loving lady who got voter ID on the ballot only to see Minnesotans, god love 'em, soundly defeat that pile of nonsense. In short, we can't wait for this group of people (and there are several more, never fear!) to tear each other limb from limb in their quest to grab this golden ticket. If we can't have a Democrat in the district (and hahaha you never could because that thing is gerrymanded within an inch of its life) at least you can watch the GOP world burn.

[ StarTribune / MPR ]