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Bro, You Got An Extra Sarah Huckabee Sanders Koozie In Your Truck? My Beer's Gettin' Woke.
Collect all four!
Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the real-ass governor of Arkansas, because they have very poor judgment (and education) in that state, has a message for all y'all:
“We like our beer cold, not woke.”
— Sarah Huckabee Sanders (@Sarah Huckabee Sanders) 1682340979
First of all, did not realize "cold" and "woke" were opposites, but sure, fine, who gives a damn.
So, this is not a joke. Sarah Huckabee Sanders is marketing koozies that say "real woman," and you can get them with her face on them. Or Kay Ivey's face. Or Kristi Noem or Kim Reynolds. Because the theme here is "real women of politics," and it is women governors who are also filthy garbage anti-LGBTQ+ bigots.
We guess this was necessary, as allegedly straight real American white conservative bros in flyover country are probably scared to drink all beer in public now — any beer — lest people mistake them for Dylan Mulvaney.
BUT NOT NO MORE!
Sarah Huckabee Sanders has fixed it rat quick fer ya, shit yeah boy howdy, ain't nobody never gon' think yer no kinda transgender so-called "Bud Light"-drinkin' wokester, not when you got this Sarah Huckabee Sanders koozie!
Or the Kay Ivey koozie.
You know how Alabama boys are, rockin' head-to-toe Kay Ivey all fuckin' day long, wherever they go.
Kay Ivey mudflaps on their trucks.
If you have not watched the video yet, we don't want to ruin it for you. Absolutely absolutely watch it all the way to the end. After all the weird footage of women putting dead fish in boxes and the hilarious background song about real women, there's a punchline that makes it all worth it.
Granted, the creators may not have realized it was a punchline.
With all the chaos going on with Twitter right now, Sarah Huckabee Sanders would have been well within her rights to claim she had been hacked, or was being impersonated. We might not have blamed her! "Saturday Night Live" likely wishes it had made this video first.
But they are dead fuckin' serious. Go to Sarah Huckabee Sanders's campaign shop and you can buy your very own Sarah Huckabee Sanders koozie. Sanders even CC-ed the other governors on Twitter, just to make sure they knew their badass koozies were available for purchase.
So go on! Get your Kristi Noem koozie! Or your Kim Reynolds! Midwestern conservative white guys are just as scared of being mistaken for beer-loving Dylan Mulvaneys as the southern ones!
And of course, again, there's the Kay Ivey koozie, for all you Crimson Tide fans who want a Kay Ivey koozie instead of an Alabama koozie for some weird fuckin' reason. No kink-shaming!
Conservatives are indeed getting better at humor.
Makin' us nervous.
We have laughed so much the past two days we think we have a hernia now.
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And once that doesn't exist, I'm also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@firstname.lastname@example.org) and at Post!
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