Sarah Palin's Half-Shredded Contract Found In Garbage, Dem Wins First House Election of 2010

• 

  
   Grifter queenSarah Palinis speaking at some elitist college thing in California, and she is not going to let those pointy heads treat her like a common community-college dingbat and professional quitter ... which is exactly what she is, but so what, she is also SARAH PALIN, the teevee celebrity. And thanks to some students atCal State Stanislauswho dug through the trash to find her half-shredded contract, we all get to know about all the stuff she demands when she does one of her $100,000 reading-off-her-hand things. Palin wants a Lear Jet to fly her down to Modesto ("private aircraft MUST BE a Lear 60 or larger"), a suite plus two rooms at the best hotel, and bendy straws in her water bottles. Oh yeah and this college foundation is screwed for trying to shred all this stuff, because of public finances and all that.[ Associated Press / Mercury News ]

• DemocratTed Deutcheasily beat some wingnut in a special election for Florida's District 19 House seat. It was the first congressional election of the year! And experts say it proves that Scott Browndoesn't even exist. [ Palm Beach Post ]

• Barack Obamagot 47 other countries to agree to his "Don't give nukes to Terrorists" thing, which is kind of miraculous considering Barack Obama doesn't even know nuclear weapons exist. [ Washington Post ]

• You guys,David Vitter's gonna have some ChatRoulette conference onTax Day, which is tomorrow (?!). After his prostitute makes him go poopy in his diaper, he'll offer it to teabaggers ... to make tea, for liberty! Don't forget to suggest a question on this webform! [ David Vitter webcam question form ]