In Which The Dilbert Guy Gets Some Advice About Cars And Ladies

Is he planning his mid-life crisis?

Yesterday on Twitter, recently divorced Dilbert Guy Scott Adams asked "Ladies" — you know it's gonna be good when it starts off with ladies — "If a man is picking you up for a first date, what vehicle type do you most hope he pulls up in?" We can assume that he is crowdsourcing to find a car that will impress the ladies because he wants to date girls who are too young to know what his cartoon is.

For now, we will put aside the fact that only truly acceptable answer to that question is "That literally would not happen because I don't get in cars with people I am going on first dates with, because I don't want to be murdered and have my lifeless body thrown in the trunk of said car. Or trapped indefinitely with someone who is super boring," because the responses to this were hilarious .

Aside from a few women who were clearly of the right-wing persuasion who tried to be all "Yeah I like big manly trucks and SUVs" and "pick me" about things, nearly all of whom were subscribers to Twitter Blue (in fact, if you want to know where all the people paying $11 a month for an emoji are, they are all in Scott Adams' replies.)

I have an extension that labels all Twitter Blue subscribers "Sucker" and it is very satisfying, if you are wondering what that is about 

There were a few "I don't care as long as it's clean?" and "Don't get into anyone's car or let them know where you live!" responses from women who were clearly very sincere and probably had no idea who Scott Adams even is.

The best responses were, however, from men who all told the same folktale their incredible plan to trick women into revealing that they are shallow, gold-digging whores who only want them for their money. Or something like that.

OK, so I had no idea what a Chevette is and had to Google image search it. Is this supposed to be a bad looking car? I don't normally drive and I really don't care about cars, but those cars are cute as shit. I would love a car that looks like that. In fact, that might be my dream car (especially with the wood paneling!) I know what a Bugatti is. It is a car for douchebags and people about to be sent to Romanian prisons on sex trafficking charges. 

1976 Chevrolet Chevette Woody Two-Door Coupe | This rather r… | Flickr    www.flickr.com 

This guy here was very worried that ladies would only like him for his bitchin' Camaro. Probably because they wanted him to buy them Motley Crüe t-shirts down by the shore. (Am I going too far with this?)

This guy has a "friend."

And that friend's name was ... George Santos. Or Abraham Lincoln. Or Albert Einstein. One of the three.

I don't know if this is quite the same bit but this guy's "friend" is absolutely a murderer.

Not only do I not believe that this has absolutely never happened outside of the imaginations of weird dudes on the internet, I think the entire idea that men can buy cars to attract women is something made up by men who are holding out hope that women care about their cars and want to hear them talk about their cars. Probably because they are not funny. I would assume they also like the idea of being able to say that the reason someone didn't like them was because that person was an evil slattern who was only after his gold, rather than that they were otherwise terrible or chewed with their mouth open or gave a weird speech about how they don't believe in tipping or refused to stop trying to explain calculus on cocktail napkins.

There is one trick, however, to being sure that no one is only dating you for your money or your car or for any other weird reason like that, and it is there actually being other reasons to date you. Like maybe you are nice and interesting and can hold a conversation. Alas, this is probably not in the cards for men who follow and seriously respond to Scott Adams on Twitter.

I'm not sure where else I can go with this, so here's some Dead Milkmen. Enjoy your OPEN THREAD!

Dead Milkmen Bitchin' Camaro Live    www.youtube.com 

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .

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