Guess Sean Hannity Wants To Be Under Investigation, Just Like His Beloved President

(OR MAYBE HE ALREADY IS.)

On the first day after Michael Cohen obliterated the president on live TV and credibly accused him (yes CREDIBLY, because he brought RECEIPTS ) of committing many crimes, Sean Hannity spent much of his show screaming at Michael Cohen. We don't know what-all he said, because we were watching Maddow, but our only thought was, "Well that is just mean of him to talk about his former lawyer that way." Because remember how back in April 2018, Cohen revealed in court that he WAS TOO EITHER a real lawyer, because he had THREE HUMAN CLIENTS? One was Trump, obviously; the second was former RNC money man Elliott Broidy, who's had his own business going on during the Trump era; and the third was SEAN HANNITY. 

We've never really understood the extent of the attorney-client relationship between Cohen and Hannity, because Hannity has never come clean about it, maybe because he was panicked after the FBI raid on Cohen, and/or maybe because he knows Cohen had this really weird habit of taping his clients. And if you want more details than that, definitely don't watch Hannity for the past year and a half, because on TV he acts like this never happened , and he apparently just expects his viewers to accept that, because they're the biggest morons in the whole entire US and A.

But last night, Hannity may have really stepped in it and earned himself an investigation from (at the very least) Congress, and maybe also America's patriotic pals at the Southern District of New York, assuming he's not already under investigation and fully aware of it. Look what that genius did:

Hannity insists Cohen "was never my attorney" - Cohen said in court Hannity was 1 of his 3 clients - then says Cohe… https: //t.co/njPd9Cpha2

— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1551410631.0 

HANNITY: You know, I was kind of dragged in a little bit to the Michael Cohen, as you -- I interviewed him many times on video and TV ...

TRUMP: Right.

HANNITY: He was never my attorney. He did/didn't [ unclear - Ed.] apologize to me for his attorney saying that in court. But I can tell you personally, he said to me, at least a dozen times ...

Because Hannity's TV show is a good place for personal heart-to-hearts between Hannity and the president. Now give us the tapes of all their late night sexxx chats. 

HANNITY: that he made the decision on the [illegal porn payoffs to the women] and that he didn't tell you ...

TRUMP: Yeah. [ nodding! ]

HANNITY: He told me! Personally!

TRUMP: He did! And he made the decision!

Guys, you have to watch the video to see how Trump reacts to this. He looks off to the right like a liar trying to absorb the new cover story Sean Hannity had just mama-birded into his mouth on the fly. You can see how when Trump says, "And he made the decision," he's seriously just repeating the new story and trying to learn it, so maybe his addled brain will remember it again in five minutes.

And all of Twitter said in unison, "IS THAT FUCKING MORON TRYING TO EARN HIMSELF A SUBPOENA?" And by "moron," we mean Hannity, because hello, leading the witness much?

Also, despite how Trump has lied about this repeatedly, does Hannity not understand that Cohen pleaded guilty in federal court to participating in the illegal porn payoff felonies in concert with and at the direction of Individual-1? Does he not understand that this is exactly what SDNY believes happened, because it has ALL THE RECEIPTS? Has Hannity not heard that one tape of Cohen and Trump discussing the payoffs /

Did Hannity not see THIS CHECK, with Donald Trump's signature on it, which Cohen showed Congress this week?

Sorry, but if you are in the Oval Office signing reimbursement checks to your lawyers from your personal account for your illegal porn payoff felonies, we think that by definition you are in on the conspiracy. What kind of batshit fantasy land do these idiots live in, and who are they trying to fool? LOL just kidding, we just remembered how stupid Hannity's viewers are. They'll buy anything you sell them.

At least one Democratic member of the House Judiciary Committee saw what Hannity did and reacted as you'd expect:

Sean Hannity is now volunteering himself as a witness. I look forward to his testimony. https: //t.co/eOjhlkg4mU

— David Cicilline (@David Cicilline) 1551409550.0 

And apparently other members of Congress are thinking the same thing:

I've spoken with three Democratic members of House Oversight in past 30 minutes. All were stunned (but not surprise… https: //t.co/YEOoSIWHor

— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@Yashar Ali 🐘) 1551412942.0 

Enjoy Congress, motherfucker!

Of course, the committee chairmen will have to make those official decisions, but come on, does anybody think the Dems will not subpoena that idiot who just made himself a witness in a number of investigations, both congressional and federal, assuming again for no reason that he wasn't already caught up in the SDNY investigation? Legal Twitter doesn't think so!

Right, and then Trump paid Cohen back anyway because he’s such a nice guy. SDNY should subpoena Hannity. No Attorne… https: //t.co/Pg9Ifu1O11

— Mimi Rocah (@Mimi Rocah) 1551407758.0 

Next subpoena is for Hannity. https: //t.co/GuOAGLWZrX

— Joyce Alene (@Joyce Alene) 1551411953.0 

We've said it before and we'll say it again. The only saving grace of the entire shitshow that is the Donald Trump era is that every single one of these assholes, to a person, is the dumbest fucking person you've ever met.

Can you imagine if even one of them had a brain? We shudder to think.

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