Senate Intel Committee Tells Michael Flynn He May Fuck Off

Oh well.

Oh, tough break! If disgraced fired Trump national security adviser Michael Flynn thought he was going to just skip to the end of the Trump Russia investigations and foreclose the possibility of ROTTING IN JAIL, by offering his beautiful and true testimony in exchange for remaining a free man, he was sadly mistaken. In fact, as NBC's Kasie Hunt and Ken Dilanian are reporting, it seems like his little offer may have been, how shall we say, a bit of a premature ejaculation:

NBC's Bradd Jaffy also tweets that the Senate intel committee finds Flynn's request "wildly preliminary," because good gracious, they JUST started investigating.

Another SCOOP from NBC (they are working hard!) is that Flynn also went to the Justice Department with his little offer, so he's been a very busy boy! If Michael Flynn would like to tell his WHOLE STORY to Wonkette, we will offer him immunity from us making dick jokes about him and calling him A Idiot, just kidding, no we won't.

As far as other responses to Flynn's offer, the House Intelligence Committee says it hasn't heard a word from Flynn about it, but CNN reports that Democratic committee member Rep. Eric Swalwell isn't too keen on the idea:

"Generally, innocent people don't seek immunity," Swalwell told CNN's Don Lemon on "CNN Tonight." "I don't want to hear from him in a setting where there are conditions."

Sounds like Congressman Swalwell agrees with Donald Trump and Michael Flynn, who have previously noted that people asking for immunity are GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY. At least that's how it was when they were talking about Hillary Clinton, but that's probably different because she's a girl.

For another reaction to Flynn's request, we now go to flaming smegma lump Rep. Jason Chaffetz, who is not on the Intelligence committee, but is on the Oversight committee. We don't know how to say this, but we think Chaffetz is right about a thing. He said on Fox News this morning that Congress should not give Flynn immunity, and moreover, he said Donald Trump needs to STFU with his tweets about it. As to whether this means Flynn is probably guilty of all the things, Chaffetz said, "It doesn't look good," and says Flynn is not a victim of a "witch hunt." Here's a clip of that, along with the transcript, shared on Twitter by MSNBC's Katy Tur:

Goddammit, when Jason Chaffetz is making sense ...

The swiftness with which the Senate Intel committee told Flynn to fuck off, combined with how Trump tweeted in support of it, makes us think that even if the White House is trying to throw Flynn under the bus, Flynn may be a willing participant in the scheme, the same way they've been using Devin Nunes as their errand boy to obstruct the various investigations into the Trump Russia affair.

Oh well. Good try, dickbrains.

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[ CNN ]