Senate Unanimously Votes To Protect Us From Terrorists, With Craft Beer

• Congress is terrible at getting things done -- and not just because the House and Senate spends so much of the year not being in session. Unless we're talking about dumb, unimportant things like passing empty resolutions or renaming yet another post office, and then our elected leaders are SO on top of it:  

  The Senate passed a resolution to recognize American Craft Beer Week, which occurs every year in May, by unanimous consent Sunday night just before the chamber adjourned at 10 p.m. Maryland Democrat Ben Cardin introduced the resolution on Sunday to acknowledge "the small and independent craft brewers of the United States." The resolution—like beer itself—received bipartisan support; cosponsors included Washington Democrat Maria Cantwell, Maine Republican Susan Collins, and New Hampshire Republican Kelly Ayotte.

  Aww, what a nice bipartisan empty gesture. And on a weekend no less! The only reason the Senate was even at work on a Sunday night, though, was to do a slightly more important job:  passing legislation to reform the powers of the National Security Agency before certain provisions of the Patriot Act expire. Oops, didn't quite manage to pull that one off, though. (We will not rant at you about what we think of the NSA snooping through all of our e-faxes or the Patriot Act in general or whether we think spying on U.S. citizens protects our freedoms or any of that underlying debate. Not now anyway.) So yeah, the Senate failed to do the important thing it was there to do, but at least we can officially celebrate beer. Drink!

•  Guess who said this:  

  I’m the most successful person ever to run for the presidency, by far. Nobody’s ever been more successful than me. I’m the most successful person ever to run. Ross Perot isn’t successful like me. Romney — I have a Gucci store that’s worth more than Romney.

• Not Breaking! The friendly fondlers at the Transportation Security Administration still suck at catching the stuff they're actually supposed to catch:

  An internal investigation of the Transportation Security Administration revealed security failures at dozens of the nation’s busiest airports, where undercover investigators were able to smuggle mock explosives or banned weapons through checkpoints in 95 percent of trials, ABC News has learned. [...]

  According to officials briefed on the results of a recent Homeland Security Inspector General’s report, TSA agents failed 67 out of 70 tests, with Red Team members repeatedly able to get potential weapons through checkpoints.

• You need to read this profile on newly announced presidential candidate Lindsey Graham:

  Biggest Obstacle To Winning Presidency: (Tie) Personality, voting record, stances on various issues, physical appearance, funding

• It's the war on men, sawfish edition:  

  Smalltooth sawfish are on the verge of extinction. But scientists have discovered that some of the fish — perhaps in an effort to survive — have resorted to "virgin births" in the wild.

  It is a discovery that has the potential to prompt a rethinking of what we've long believed to be true about reproduction in vertebrates.

  Female sawfish in Florida estuaries were found to have produced living offspring without the help of a male.

• Season 3 of "Orange Is The New Black" is a-comin':  

  Mark your calendars, Netflix subscribersand people who have their friends’ Netflix login information and passwords memorized! June 12 is fast approaching. And with it comes our long-awaited reunion with plucky, pretty, erstwhile drug runner Piper Chapman and her diverse gaggle of felonious female pals.

  Our friends at Happy Nice Time People have THE ultimate recap for you to refresh your memories. Go check it out now, you're welcome.