138 Comments
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Extemporanus's avatar

I'm gonna consider those five minutes I wasted "foreplay".

(Just like real life!)

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Villago Delenda Est  πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦'s avatar

The difference of course being that Nixon, Reagan, Bush I AND Bush II committed actual fucking crimes.

Frankly, Jerry "can't chew gum and fart at the same time" Ford committed the biggest one of all by giving a blanket pardon to the criminal Nixon.

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Extemporanus's avatar

The way his season's going, I wouldn't give up on him hitting a horny hat trick just yet.

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Hairstrike Alpha's avatar

If you don't know, better check the instructions unless you're like me and think, "I'm a man and instructions are for pussies!" so you toss 'em :-(...On the other hand, you can find them online and by them I mean porn.

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Daniel_Oriordan's avatar

Wait. Isn't someone else supposed to blow out his candle for this to work?

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Daniel_Oriordan's avatar

How does a married man get a handjob?Ask for a blowjob.

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Daniel_Oriordan's avatar

If he ever actually connected with someone on AM (if you know what I mean, and I think you do), I pray they have the moral decency to go public and give us all the sordid details.

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Daniel_Oriordan's avatar

Retired Republican presidents aren't worth shit. All they do is play golf.

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Doug Langley's avatar

I never touched her. I swear.

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Msgr MΞ©ment classic β˜‘οΈ's avatar

That's what she said.

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Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

69 is like the original emoticon (that's like an old-school emoji to our younger not-commenters)

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It's Just Toomush's avatar

or oldz....

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It's Just Toomush's avatar

pegging ain't nice...

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It's Just Toomush's avatar

Fall mountain.....just don't fall on me....

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Extemporanus's avatar

Try using finer grit sandpaper first next time.

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Brendan_M's avatar

I'm not Maureen Dowd, but I hate him because of how he murdered Ricky Ray Rector for votes and was a lousy president. His serial adultery and super-gross behavior (POTUS vs intern is such a power imbalance, it is borderline rapey) is pretty minor compared to killing tens of thousands of Sudanese. But yes, 69, sex, etc....what fun.

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