Shocking News! Conservative Lady Does Not Wish To Date Liberal Dudes

Do you read well-known publications of yesteryear like Time ? Probably not, because no one does these days, but if you were to do so, maybe you'd be thinking "gosh, I wish that Time were more like Thought Catalog and would publish essays by random ladies about how they found love or lost love or sexytimed their brother." You are in luck, weirdo who needs better wishes, because Time has come through with a Valentine's Day essay from a conservative lady thought leader about how her panties will never get wet for a liberal dude.

Yes, Timehas developed its very own "Ideas" page so that they can get in on the hot hot terribly written first person essay action, and they let Carrie Sheffield, a right wing writing lady, do a SHOCKING EXPOSE on how she generally cannot get with men that do not share her political views. WHO KNEW?

As a rather happily single New Yorker, those things don’t worry me. You see, I’ve become pickier about men. Surrounded by liberals here in the home of hipster Brooklyn and Occupy Wall Street, as a conservative with years of dating lefties, I’m unabashedly declaring my freedom.

This would be a much more well-thought out assertion if Sheffield didn't turn around 2 paragraphs later and declare that she "meet[s] conservative guys who say they’re shot down by liberal women over politics." Which is it, Lady Sheffield? Are you in a vast wasteland of no conservative dick to ride, or are all your dude friends conservatives that only want to bone liberals? This essay could have used more editing, less feelings, because seriously, who greenlighted a lengthy piece of a lady explaining that she will usually choose dudes that share her value set? 

My political beliefs stem from data analysis, academic pursuits, and travels abroad. Plenty of my close liberal friends who have similar backgrounds come to polar opposite conclusions, and that’s dandy. But it doesn’t mean I want that cognitive processing around me 24/7 in the most intimate of unions. Tolerance does not equal tenderness. Romance is a union of body, mind, and soul, and when we’re out of sync on politics it’s a huge mental obstacle.

Do you guys think she got paid to write this? Do you guys think she got a 21-year-old ghostwriter to do that, because that is the last possible age this sort of thing would be considered a Deep Thought or even a particularly Interesting Thought because most of us sorted out long ago that partnering with someone who radically disagrees with us on things that are important to us will probably not work out so well. Why didn't Time approach us to share our Ideas?

We eagerly await our invitation to write up our blockbuster game changer ideas such as "Milk Doesn't Last For Six Months Who Knew?" and "That Guy That Tried To Shiv Me? We Are Not Friends Any Longer."

[ TIME ]