Stabilize Your Blood Sugar and Dodge Balls To End Diabetes

In this great age of anus burgers and bacon-covered doughnuts, most of us will be killed by diabetes -- and that means it would probably be smart to start donating to diabetes organizations right now. And next week, there's a way to help fight diabetes in two ways: Grab life by the balls and participate in the 6th Annual Dodging Diabetes Charity Dodgeball Tournament next Sunday in Rockville.

There's nothing quite like curing diabetes by throwing a ball at strangers, most of whom probably have excellent eating habits and/or good genes. Discounted registration for the tournament of $350 per team has been extended through March 7, which is VERY soon. If you choose to wait because you are lazy or hate fat people and those with genetic bad luck, you have until March 11 at 11: 59 PM to register. After March 7, the registration goes up to $500. Yes, that’s a lot of money, but this is the price you have to pay if you want to try to save America from its pork bender.

All you have to do is find 6-10 friends, enemies, or do-gooders, preferably with stable blood sugar levels, and convince them to join you in throwing balls, for charity. This shouldn’t be too hard considering that dodge ball isn't kickball, a sport that’s reserved for the desperate and lonely.

Get it together, form a team, do it for the insulin manufacturers union, and then go eat a doughnut with bacon on top to congratulate yourself for all your hard work. And, if you ate pancakes earlier this week to stop leukemia/lymphoma, we assume The Forces of Good are very thankful for all your charitable goodness. [ Dodging Diabetes ]