STEAL THIS LOOK: Trump’s Cheap, Ugly Gold Oval Office Sh*t, Available At Home Depot?
Sure looks like it!
Jamelle Bouie made an interesting observation yesterday about all the cosplaying dictator shit Donald Trump is putting up around the White House and throughout Washington DC:
There’s a try-hard “fake it until you make it” kind of thing going, clearly. There’s the fact that it is indeed real, because Donald Trump really is committing a million 9/11s against freedom and good taste every single day, in order to fulfill his dream of destroying the United States of America, in obedience to whatever master he really serves.
And simultaneously, because it’s Trump, it’s so fucking trashy and silly, a poor man’s approximation of what a real big boy dictator is supposed to look like. He’s so absurdly physically unattractive, with his stupid hair and his open casket whore makeup, so puny, so rapidly deteriorating, aging seemingly 100 years per minute, and he has such garbage taste that every aesthetic choice he makes looks cheaper than the last.
Is this how feared dictators gild their shit? Does it have to look so low-rent, so “How To Live Like Hitler Without Breaking The Bank”?
Yes, apparently, it does. Richest country in the world, yet our downfall looks like it was hastily looted from a Family Dollar birthday party aisle.
Or from a Home Depot.
Everybody in the world has been talking about how cheap and trashy Trump has made the Oval Office look, but did you know you literally can steal that look for yourself just by going to your local Home Depot website? The theory has been bubbling for several months, but BuzzFeed did some reporting this week and um, yeah, looks like it.
Check out this Instagram post (scroll through the pics):
It’s in every shot of the Oval Office you see see lately, and in other rooms too. This unbelievably trashy shit, multiplying like kudzu, that looks like it came from the Zillow Gone Wild Facebook page:
The really sick-looking things on either side of the mantle that look like a child’s art project about the Roman empire vomited on the walls? Well maybe you might like to get some of those for your boudoir, and you can, because these Home Depot ones that look pretty much almost exactly just the same are $58.07.
From a side-by-side “Inside Edition” did back in May:
More things BuzzFeed identified, that it looks like you can find in the People’s House, at the People’s Prices? This ugly one, which is $30.79:
Also this one, which came from the apparent manufacturer’s website, only $24.48!
And what does the company say? Is this their shit?
When BuzzFeed reached out to Ekena Millwork for comment, they replied, “We work with several design firms in DC that have worked on the White House and believe these could be our onlays.”
Hahahaha, we live in the tackiest country in human history.
As BuzzFeed notes, Trump has bragged that his “gold guy” has made these MAAAHHHBLE COLUMNS ugly gold baubles for him. And it’s true, if you compare the website pieces to what’s actually on the wall at the White House — BuzzFeed has a few side-by-sides, comparing them to close-ups from Getty Images — you can see the brilliant hand of this Mozart of gold spray paint at work, mixing and matching pieces and sometimes even hanging them at a different angle from what’s on the website. (Crafts! They’re fun and easy!)
And again, all this is back in the news, as President Sundowner spent time in the Oval Office earlier this week bragging about this literal dogshit nobody is brave enough to tell him looks like it came from a garage sale from some Liberace-themed Airbnb. Of course, if you look at the garish Mar-a-Lago faces he’s surrounded by in this video, it’s possibly they all are as blind to his bad taste as he is.
“You see the way this is looking, look, nice, I can’t tell you how much that gold cost, A LOT OF MONEY, there’s nothing like gold, and there’s nothing like solid gold …”
Bless his heart, they told him it’s solid gold? That’s like telling a dementia patient the juice box you just gave them is the nightly champagne they’re used to. Which, let’s be fair, is probably largely what managing Trump is like.
“This all cost millions of dollars, sir!” the big burly men from central casting tell him with tears in their eyes. Meanwhile Karoline slips the Home Depot card back in the petty cash box in case Susie needs it to appease the king later.
You know, allegedly.
Fox News also has a new article this week where they suck Trump’s mini-cock and pretend this ugly shit is classy. It brags that Trump paid for this with his own money, and quotes a White House spox who says it’s all of “the highest quality,” LMAO wink wink, nudge nudge. They even write that Trump’s gold shit on the mantle “enhanc[es] its neoclassical details,” like something of architectural value is happening here.
The article ends with Fox News fawning all over the outer-borough clown dictator ballroom Trump is set to deface the White House grounds with.
Yes, this is what America’s demise looks like.
If we ever get this country back, there need to be American Nuremberg trials, yes, trials that make the original Nuremberg trials look like child’s play.
But there also need to be sweepstakes and HGTV renovation shows where regular Americans get to personally help demolish all the ugly shit Trump has done to the White House. Can you imagine getting to be the lucky American to press the button that hurls the wrecking ball at his new ballroom? To jackhammer the cement from the paved-over Rose Garden? To rip that ugly gold shit off the walls? Can you imagine the morale booster that would be?
Haha. Freedom goals!
[BuzzFeed]
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Also too, re the Jamelle Bouie Bluesky thread, he went all postmodern with it, as you kind of have to with simulacra, quoting Guy Debord:
"The spectacle that falsifies reality is nevertheless a real product of that reality, while lived reality is materially invaded by the contemplation of the spectacle and ends up absorbing it and aligning itself with it."
I'm all for postmodernist discussions of politics, as long as it doesn't just turn into an Umberto Eco chamber.
"open casket whore makeup"
for the win!