Supreme Court Rules That You Now Have To Declare Your Own Miranda Rights

In today's Judicial Branch news, the American Supreme Court has ruled that "suspects must explicitly tell police they want to be silent to invoke Miranda protections during criminal interrogations." Ha ha, that doesn't sound... cool... come on, WHAT? HUH? Man, if you're a conservative (hi all three of you reading this!), the Roberts appointment kind of makes up for almost every other shitty thing Bush did to obliterate your party's majorities and ruin Earth forever. But what did the angry Mexican judge-lady have to say about this ruling?

Justice Sonia Sotomayor, the court's newest member, wrote a strongly worded dissent for the court's liberals, saying the majority's decision "turns Miranda upside down."

"Criminal suspects must now unambiguously invoke their right to remain silent - which counterintuitively, requires them to speak," she said. "At the same time, suspects will be legally presumed to have waived their rights even if they have given no clear expression of their intent to do so. Those results, in my view, find no basis in Miranda or our subsequent cases and are inconsistent with the fair-trial principles on which those precedents are grounded."

WHOA WHOA WHOA, let's turn down the temperature here, ma'am. WHAT A FURIOUS TEMPER! It's cool, everyone will be fine, with the police.

[ AP/Washington Post ]