How To Keep Your Germy Ass Nails Clean At Home. Tabs, Mon., March 23, 2020

Should have probably picked up that story. Oh well! It's TABS!

A reminder, now that Rand Paul tested positive for coronavirus the same day he went to the fucking congressional gym and swam in the fucking congressional pool that his "big idea" and "bold" prescription for coronavirus was "payroll tax holiday" and "leave Afghanistan." (Rand Paul op-ed in The Hill)

I hope he gets the new Arctic Hostless Chlamydia. 

My new favourite thing is Italian mayors and regional presidents LOSING IT at people violating quarantine. Here's a… https: //t.co/BAKka2RBja

— 🌈 (@🌈) 1584808684.0 

Senate Republicans have a very stupid proposal as of yesterday afternoon (could have changed since! probably hasn't changed since!) that literally is just "hand Mnuchin 500 billion to give out to Donald Trump in secret." Even Joe Manchin is not having it. (Washington Post) 

Mr. Trump appears to have lost Mr. Baker and Ms. Haberman. (New York Times) 

 A Wired interview with Larry Brilliant, the scientist who helped put smallpox in jail. Not everything is hopeless after all!

One of the world's best restaurants is using its kitchen to feed hospital workers. And guess whose landlord is being a dick? (SLOG)

The White House is pushing officials to blame Canada China. (Daily Beast)

#Relevant!

John Bolton, you realize Trump literally silenced coronavirus whistleblowers, expels journalists all the fucking ti… https: //t.co/objBAaGlHb

— Rebecca Schoenkopf, Wonkette Editrix, King Of You (@Rebecca Schoenkopf, Wonkette Editrix, King Of You) 1584814201.0 

And while we're on Twitter, look at this craziness:

Look at the difference between how the Kentucky Governor and Tennessee Governor handled the Coronavirus And look a… https: //t.co/RJrkBVjq4G

— Matt Jones (@Matt Jones) 1584798361.0 

White supremacists planning on coughing on cops and Jews. (ABC)

Ohio orders doctors to stop performing abortions because they're not "essential." — Dispatch 

 Republicans like me built this moment. Then we looked the other way. Stuart Stevens is refreshing. (WaPo)

Meet the female attorney chingonas— ballbusters — working to help Mexican families get their court dates at the border. You will not be surprised that one of you is among them. (OZY) 

Speaking of chingonas , let's read about Eleanor Roosevelt and the United Nations! 

 How to make bagels. 

You can have breakfast for dinner, Wonkette's bloody mary bar optional. (Just strip it down to all the pickled stuff you already had, you don't have to make bacon or shrimp.)

We love you. If you're in distress, please let us know. Rebecca at wonkette dot com.

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .