Tabs, Tabs, Everywhere A Tabs. Tabs, Thurs., May 14, 2026
That's a reference to a popular song!
Good morning, time for this again!
First, though, remember if you are in Hawaii, you have party plans for Wonkette parties! This is us copy/pasting from last time Rebecca typed it:
First up, Big Island! Meet us at the Kaleo’s in Pahoa, 15-2969 Pahoa Village Road, on Thurs., May 14, from say 5 to 8 p.m. Do you need money to join us? No. Wonkparties are always free (though sometimes they’re potluck), and MAMA’S ALWAYS BUYIN’. Then: Oahu! Fri., May 15, say 7-9! See you at Hula’s Bar and Lei Stand (heh) in Honolulu, 134 Kapahulu Ave., 2nd Floor of the Waikiki Grand Hotel. Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind!
OK, good!
Well darnit, all your food has salmonella. Check these recalls to find out what to take out of your mouth! It isn’t Wonkette party food. [NBC News]
If you are a man and you are upset that the woman you are dating has bought her own lady house with her own lady money, are you a normal guy? Or are you an insecure weirdo? [Guardian]
Funny news: they’re recalling the Cybertrucks because the wheels are fallin’ off! Funnier news: “Poor Cybertruck sales mean that only 173 of the stainless steel pickup trucks will actually need to be recalled.” LOL! [Independent]
Trump is reportedly planning 250 pardons for America’s 250th birthday, so we can’t imagine what kind of perverts and pedophiles he’s about to release back on to the streets with this list. [Wall Street Journal]
North Carolina GOP Rep. Virginia Foxx is a sick, evil woman and if she was your grandmother, you would drop her off at a home and drive away before you checked to see if they would actually let her live there now.
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Surprise, sounds like Kash Patel is making up arrest numbers to make himself look good, considering how his job is in danger. [MS NOW]
Georgia racist shithole Governor Brian Kemp is calling an emergency redistricting session now that SCOTUS has issued its latest racist shithole ruling. Because guys like Brian might get crosswise with Trump now and then, but they’ll always come together over white supremacy. [CBS News]
Speaking of racist weirdos you wouldn’t leave your children or pets alone with, Sebastian Gorka says Trump has a letter in his desk addressed to JD Vance with specific instructions for what to do if another country kills him. Can you imagine relying on JD Vance to do stuff in your absence? What a pathetic existence that must be. [Daily Beast]
A school board in Wisconsin seems to be very worried that if the school band is allowed to play a certain piece of instrumental music, everyone will become indoctrinated and transgender. The piece of music in question does not have lyrics. [JoeMyGod]
OK that’s enough. More stories when we have more stories!
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If President Pedo isn’t turning his whole base gay after insisting on playing YMCA as his standard walk-on anthem all the damn time, I doubt Wisconsin needs to worry much about any music having an impact on their children’s sexual leanings.