Preppers' Invention Takes Country By Storm! Tabs, Wed., March 11, 2020

What are we reading today, fellow wonklings?

Well, they broke the government, and it won't let anyone help. (New York Times)

But she's (maybe?) a lesbian, and she's here to help. — Advocate 

Here's some people who are like fuck yeah cruises. (Daily Beast) 

Trump: A model, idiot? (Washington Post) 

Judd Legum PERSONALLY got Olive Garden to give sick pay to its hourly workers . Fucking congratulations Judd Legum! And fucking congratulations Olive Garden, which all of a sudden started beating the stock market. You guys, sign up for his goddamn newsletter.

The American Prospect explained a WEEK ago how coronavirus could combine with ... something ... to make oil companies ... something else ... (NOT) PROFIT! I AM STILL IN MEXICO YOU GUYS UNTIL THURSDAY I HAVEN'T READ THIS GODDAMN THING.

Apparently there is a good Jared Kushner Is A Terrible Crook doc on Netflix. (DB)

Ana Marie Cox thinks Elizabeth Warren is authentic and good. Ana Marie Cox is not used to thinking that about politicians, having been the original Wonkette. — Atlantic

Mark Meadows, Trump's new chief of staff, says he would do some stuff on climate. If he doesn't die of coronavirus first maybe, for which he is self-quarantining (and nobody is saying who is doing "chief of staff" stuff) we guess.

 Wall Street Journal says chief of staff is the world's hardest job. Until Trump, there were other contenders. Like guy who sells oranges on the freeway, or chicken butcher who gets his arms chopped off, or person who fucks gross weird men who are weird and gross and sometimes abusive. Now it's just COS.

Data centers aren't heating the climate (right now). Just Bitcoin does that. So read Wonkette (and don't buy Bitcoin) to your heart's content. — Grist 

JOE BIDEN, MAKE A CABINET PLEASE. Just make every position Kamala Harris and Elizabeth Warren, like they are twin Jared Kushners but not dumb evil robots, and we will call it even. (Will Bunch at the Philly Inquirer) 

Three manipulated videos about Joe Biden. I like the one where Fox News bleeped "negro" to make it sound like Joe Biden is Paula Deen. Wait, I don't like that at all! (Washington Post) 

 Six pulled teeth and one surprise bill. AMERICA!

Evan says to put Chrissie Teigen in your face. 

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