Take A Nap, Rex Tillerson, You Are No Longer Employed!

It's funny because it's true.

Guess being Vladimir Putin's "Order Of Friendship" BFF wasn't enough to keep the man from Exxon employed, because Donald Trump has fired Rex Tillerson as secretary of State. This marks the 9,876,523rd departure from the Trump administration in not even 14 whole months, which means Rachel Maddow gonna have to clear some space on her big wall of people Trump has quit-fired to make room for poor Rex. Our new secretary of State will be current CIA director Mike Pompeo, a toady Trump slut if there ever was one.

 WaPo reports:

Trump last Friday asked Tillerson to step aside, and the embattled top diplomat cut short his trip to Africa on Monday to return to Washington.

Pompeo will replace him at the State Department, and Gina Haspel — the deputy director at the CIA — will succeed him at the CIA, becoming the first woman to run the spy agency, if confirmed.

In a statement, Trump said many nice words about Pompeo and Haspel, bragging about how he, who cherishes women, has nominated the first lady to ever run the spy agency. (That means the Stormy Daniels scandal is over now, right?) He then shortened his dumb statement, so it would fit on Twitter:

Just yesterday, Rex Tillerson committed the sin of saying Russia killed that spy, something Loyal Mike Pompeo would never do, because how can you say bad things about Russia when you live inside Donald Trump's butt? Tillerson also has said recently that Russia is guilty of fucking with our elections, and is STILL DOING SO RIGHT NOW, and how can you Make America Russia Again if you stay stuff like that out loud? It's just not possible.

According to WaPo, Trump felt like now was the time to get rid of the secretary of State who correctly thinks he is a fucking moron, on account of how Trump just recently prematurely ejaculated a North Korean summit into being while Rex Tillerson was asleep on the other side of the world.

As for Gina Haspel, we [by "we," Evan means "Evan" -- Editrix] are cautiously optimistic that her appointment could be a good thing for the CIA. She has served in the CIA since 1985, and while she was deeply involved in a lot of black site waterboarding interrogation stuff ( ugh ), she is highly respected by the rank and file. Here's what a couple folks we actually respect had to say about Haspel last year, when she was chosen as deputy director of the CIA:

Haspel's selection drew praise from former senior intelligence officials, with ex-National Intelligence Director James Clapper saying: “[Haspel] has the broad-gauged experience from both foreign and domestic assignments to serve as the right-arm for Director [Mike] Pompeo.”

Mike Morrell, a former deputy director and former acting director at CIA, said in a statement:  "She is widely respected throughout the agency and she will be welcomed in the new job by both current and former employees. I worked closely with Haspel from 2006 until my retirement from the Agency in 2013. During that time, I found her to be simply exceptional. She gets things done in a quiet, yet effective way, and she is calm under fire."

LOL Gina Haspel is sooooooo Deep State.

Regardless of whether Haspel is good or bad, this does mean that Tom Fucking Cotton will not be director of the CIA so thank fucking God for that.

Anyway, Mike Pompeo will be a really shitty secretary of State, because everything Donald Trump touches turns to shit, and Mike Pompeo is a worthless sack of limp badger dicks.

Meanwhile, we just hope Rex Tillerson gets that nap he so very much deserves.

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[ Washington Post ]