Taking Firefighters Hostage, So Hot Right Now (Updated)
[Updated at 8: 05 PM]We are getting very little news out of Suwanee, Georgia, where five firefighters who responded to a medical call are reportedly being held hostage by a gunman. Amazingly, it seems to have been at least three months since the last time this happened.
We would point out that crazed gunmen might possibly be stopped before they even start with something as simple as a background check, but as our own Doktor Zoom informed us earlier, “the only people who need a background check are criminals and people who are mentally ill,” but not anyone else. And you cannot argue with the math science of words that is logic like that.
We feverishly hope this does not end fucked. The only guns firemen should be worrying about are the ones with which they are cradling us to their broad strong chests.
Update by Yr Doktor Zoom: It's over ; hostage-taker is dead, one SWAT team member injured, non-life threatening, and the 4 firefighters appear to have suffered superficial injuries from the flash-bang device used when the SWAT team went in:
Authorities confirm the suspect is dead after a four-hour, hostage standoff that included four Gwinnett County firefighter on Wednesday.
According to authorities, police used a "flash bang grenade" to distract the suspect when they felt their officers were in "immediate danger" on the scene.
All four of the firefighters taken hostage are safe and sustained superficial wounds during the recovery.
According to the brief remarks from the police briefer, the hostage-taker had been demanding that his electricity and cable TV be reconnected to the house, which had been foreclosed in November.
Further details are still emerging, but Yr Wonkette anticipates that this is somehow Barack Obama's fault.
[ 11alive ]
oh doc you make me do so many spit takes.
here is a true fireman story.
a couple years back i'd been out drinking w/my bff all night (as happens) while mr fuflans was soberly reading by the fire. i had been home for a few minutes (probably reading wonkette) when there was an ungodly WHOOSH sound from somewhere around the roof. mr fuflans immediately said 'that's a chimney fire get the cats' and called 911.
as a drunk-ish person, none of this was very intelligible. fortunately my cats were more attuned to danger and fled to the basement. as they were the wisdom in the room, i followed. i'm not entirely sure about the next few moments but i'm pretty sure i crooned something off-key. likely about dying too young in a fire.
then i got bored and there was some banging and as were weren&#039;t all <i>auto da fe</i> i ventured upstairs and LO!
there in my bow shaped living room window were five beautiful chicago firefighters - all dressed to the nines in cap and gown - artfully distributed JUST like a musical theatre number. not a one of them was over 40 - except the grizzled one with the paul newman eyes and the barrel chest.
they were just leaving. turns out they had put the fire out (obv) and the youngest (channing tatum!) had walked right thru our screen door in his eagerness to please. while he was (and was going to be for a long time) the subject of unlimited colleague abuse, i will never forget that picture.
to this day, i blink back bleary drunken tears whenever i read about firemen.