Tampa Strip Clubs To Be Disappointed When Hordes of Straight GOPers Fail To Come

Tampa, Fla – Churches,   bathroom stalls and NAMBLA can take a well-deserved five. The GOP circus is coming to Tampa and the city's finer purveyor of tittay are hauling them out and boosting them up in preparation! There is so much business expected, businesses are working in harmony, helping out their competitors, and city residents are welcoming the influx in greazy cash.

Tampa Gold Club and Scores Gentlemen's Club & Steakhouse are two of the better known clubs in town. Both have been gearing up for the onslaught of normal, family-oriented, churchgoing, upstanding members of society. Club remodels are underway, with upgrades in everything from furniture, lighting and booze to higher end strippers with fewer thigh bruises. Boobs and booze may scare some off, but with a little luck all of these upgrades will provide a show that will tickle even the most staunch right wingers. To make things even hotter, the strippers are going to be paid 70 cents for every dollar a male would earn.

Stripper clubs are not known for gouging their customers, but some clubs are experimenting with the idea of $450 per hour private room rentals, $7 grouper nuggets, $18 osso bucco, limo rentals and guided tours of the female anatomy. Higher end recruiting practices are being used to recruit some of Tampa’s finest stank. CraigsList, Backpage and Facebook are among the ‘Cadillac’ sites that are being scoured for upper echelon talent. 

And ladies, you have not been forgotten. There are clubs preparing for apple pie bake-offs, knitting races, golf parties, and classes teaching women how their husband’s affairs are entirely their faults.

A fun time is guaranteed for all, but some GOP members have spoken out against the entertainment venues and wish to stick to a more traditional style event. There will be plenty of late night church sermons for those who wish to get their knees dirty for the lord only. [ TampaBayTimes ]