Team Wonkette Party Crash: John Ashcroft's Book Party

"Each and every page is watermarked with the baby Jesus' tears."

God bless the Book Party Season. We haven't paid for a drink in weeks. Even, surprisingly, at the party last night for John Ashcroft'sNever Again: How America Got Her Groove Back.

After the jump, our exclusive report, with even more exclusive pictures from our very own Intern Nick .

First, our shameful admission: we haven't read the book. And we didn't get a copy. Sorry, John. But we're pretty sure we know what it's about. And we're sure it's inspiring.

The bold-faced names:

John Ashcroft

Viet Dinh

Amy Argetsinger

Intern Nick

Margaret Carlson

Ted Olson

Barbara Comstock

John Ashcroft

Everyone else was presumably a rich and important something-or-other, but we didn't recognize a soul. We were hoping some of John's buddies from the White House might make an appearance. If any of them did, they must've been the boring ones who aren't on TV. This man's responsible for the color-coded alert chart, people! Show some respect!

Flag Pins: Never Forget.

Margaret Carlsonentered, went straight for the bar and the food, loaded up her plate, found an empty table, ate like a fucking pro, and shotgunned a Heineken. This is why she's A-List, people.

The party was hosted by the National Music Publishers' Association, but we don't think there are songs in the book.

When we mentioned to a friend (Disclosure: notJack Shafer) where we were going, he laughed mockingly and told us to drink up beforehand. Because ol' Crofty (may we call you Crofty?) has never so much as inhaled near a cocktail. Would this be the FRC's Washington Briefing Fiascoall over again?

Booze!

Thankfully, no. Because John Ashcroft wanted his friends to come and buy his book, so not only was there beer, but there was pretty good beer (Sam Adams Octoberfest, Dogfish Pumpkin Ale).

The food was decent, too. Some little quesadilla things, good cheese, lemon chicken, etc. Truth be told, we weren't paying much attention to the food.

The venue: some sort of "rotunda" in the Washington Gas building on Constitution. Not that notable except for the awesome smoking patio with a great view of the Capitol and all the crap surrounding the Capitol. We were the only ones to use it all night, and if we'd been more devious/drunk, we would've walked in front of the window Ashcroft was seated behind as he signed books and showed up making faces or devil horns in all the "professional" party photos.

Question of the Night: How does one address Ashcroft? "Mr. Attorney General?" "Mr. Senator?" Is "Mister Attorney General" correct? We're pretty sure we've heard Tim Russert use it, but who can be sure? And does AG beat out Senator? Because in a Constitutional sense, Senator's a bigger deal. But that's sort of a goofy anachronism now that we're all such big fans of Article 2.

And now that we think of it, that's what we should've told Amy Argetsinger to ask the former AG. She didn't really like our other suggestions:

• How much do you hate Deb Solomon?

• When you were in "the Singing Senators" with him, did Larry Craig ever express a desire to cover the theme toCabaret?

• The PATRIOT Act: that was a totally one of those "come up with the name, think of the details later" kinda things, wasn't it?

• When the ghost of Mel Carnahan comes to you at night, does he just rattle chains and chant your name or does he show you terrifying visions of a Democrat-controlled congress?

• Can I get you a drink?

• Who sounds more like Huckleberry Hound: you or Tony Dungy?

• How many cubes of cheese can you fit in your mouth at one time?

As you can tell, we may not have been in the right frame of mind for this particular party. But we got pictures of it, unlike the last three or four we've gone to.

Intern Nick: "All right. I got a picture of the bessed dressed guy [above] and the hottest girl. Let's go."

"Never again."