256 Comments
User's avatar
Ed Smart's avatar

I remember Ted suiting up to be in the back of a truck with a bullhorn a day or two before 1/6, bellowing at people to participate, somehow giving that same macabre vibe he does in those photo ops when he goes down to the Rio Grande looking for floaters. Anyhow looking at the doofus making himself ridiculous like that you wouldn't guess that he was the primary legislative wizard behind the plans for Congress, step by step for the insurrection, cuz he's good at all that lawyerly stuff like decertification and what follows. Seems like the bipartisanship of that should be broadcast as remedial reading instead of any of this, well, nonsense.

Expand full comment
Otrame's avatar

This is a bit old, now. No beard. But I still think it is one of the nastiest political take-downs I've ever seen. And no one deserves it more.

(Bad Lip Reading is just what's on the tin. More or less what they *might* be saying. They are very very funny. I recommend Red Neck Avengers and of course Seagulls (Stop it Now).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v75wCTMZoSY

Expand full comment
Zyxomma's avatar

Ta, Gary. Fuck Ted Cruz with a rusty garden weasel of votes.

Expand full comment
Darth Trad's avatar

'Senator, you are from Canada and prefer to holiday in Mexico. Have you actually spent time inside the United States or just prefer to fly over it?'

Expand full comment
Cincinnatus's avatar

Cook Political Report Shifts Texas Senate Race From 'Likely' R To 'Lean' R (HuffPost)

The Cook Political Report on Tuesday shifted its forecast for the Texas U.S. Senate contest in Democrats' favor.

Rep. Colin Allred (D-Texas) has been gaining in the polls on incumbent Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), prompting the nonpartisan political handicapper to rate the race as "lean" Republican rather than a "likely" GOP win. The Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee recently announced big advertising campaigns in Texas in Florida to boost their chances of keeping the Senate. And the fact that Cruz fled the state for Cancun during a winter storm in 2021 is hurting his reelection bid.

"Lone Star state still remains tough for a Democrat, but Allred's fundraising/heavy ad spending, plus Cruz on defense on abortion + Cancun has tightened contest," Cook Political Report's Jessica Taylor said on social media.

Expand full comment
Randy's avatar

My pastor said, "God does not make junk." He changed his mind after meeting Ted Cruz.

Expand full comment
Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Fuck Ted Cruz.

Oh wait. That's supposed to come at the end of the non-comment. Look there! A punctuation mark. I guess that means we're at the end of the non-comment.

Fuck Ted Cruz.

Expand full comment
Elderly John's avatar

F.T.C.

F.T.C.

Expand full comment
Biblioteca80's avatar

I can say that having Ted Cruz in El Paso is one of the few times my elderly mother felt that she might be in danger. The rest of the time, despite the fact that she can see Mexico from her house, she has somehow miraculously remained alive.

Expand full comment
Elderly John's avatar

F.T.C.

Expand full comment
Nemo's avatar

I see. He claims to be following the path pioneered by such eminent senators as Joe Manchin, Kristen Sinema and Joe "Who the fuck is he?" Lieberman. That's a hell of a career path.

Expand full comment
Dorothea is a Democrat's avatar

"One of our least favorite genres of political story is the one that tries to soften a particular kind of terrible candidate. The one that says, “Don’t look now, but [excruciating dickhead] is making a name for himself by working across the aisle,” or “To the surprise of many on Capitol Hill, [galactic fuck-knuckle] has suddenly discovered that to accomplish anything in Congress, it helps to embrace bipartisanship,” or “[brain-dead douche nozzle] says he wants to be a leader, and he’s backing it up by working with [other brain-dead douche nozzle] on a comprehensive ‘grind all the homeless into a nutritious paste for farm animals’ bill,” or some such crap."

Pure poetry, Gary.

Expand full comment
Secret Agent Super Dragon's avatar

He needs to get the people that handled the McCain account, he can be a MAVERICK

Expand full comment
HarryButtle, degenerate artist's avatar

[excruciating dickhead] [galactic fuck-knuckle] [brain-dead douche nozzle]

Tell me you're talking about Ted Cruz without...

Expand full comment
Khavrinen's avatar

Very disappointed that this post on Ted Cruz's rebranding does not involve him experiencing actual red-hot metal searing his flesh.

Expand full comment
Bagels of Doom's avatar

Anything that makes Ted Cruz squirm is appreciated.

Fuck Ted Cruz!

Expand full comment
DSLinDC 🏳️‍🌈's avatar

Ted Cruz (R-Asshole) still owes the American people $24 billion (more with interest) from the failed GOP tantrum government shutdown he lead years ago over Obamacare. Pay up and then go away, Ted!

Expand full comment
Delmarva Peninsula's avatar

I'll never forget when he tried to hug his daughter at some event and she finger-flicked him away like a dead mosquito. Let's do it for real this time...with votes!

Expand full comment