248 Comments
User's avatar
kareemachan's avatar

Isn't he the one who likes canned soup?

Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

And "likes" certain kinds of porn, with his social media account.

The Rain in Spain's Therapist's avatar

Not to mention his father offed a president. How is he still in office???

TalentNotAutotune's avatar

I'm impressed he used "Malthusian" properly.

Amethyst πŸ’™β™ŒπŸ€πŸ΄β€β˜ οΈ's avatar

Beto couldn't quite do it, but there must be somebody in Texas who can beat this slimeball.

Blanche de Shambles πŸΉπŸ¦©πŸŒΊπŸŒ΄πŸŒ‹πŸŒ΄πŸ™'s avatar

Rafael "Ted" Cruz Jr.: Carbon Enthusiast

Rafael Cruz Sr.: Carbine Enthusiast

Daniel's avatar

Pollution in the ocean decreased literally as soon as Ted Cruz came on land.

Ninja0980's avatar

If Beto had run in 2024,he would have beaten him but TX is still too red at the moment.

peteywheats's avatar

TED CRUZ DOESN’T BELIEVE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO MASTURBATEβ€œThere is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals,” his legal team argued.https://www.vanityfair.com/...

Woke Mind Superspreader's avatar

I find this very difficult to masturbate to.

Enter Ranting's avatar

Does it come with a selection of beige crayons?

disraeli56's avatar

Turgid legal prose always chops the wood so to speak.

disraeli56's avatar

Wow - Vowels - is there nothing they can't do.

Thorn Spike's avatar

Shouldn't it be in French and Spanish, too? He's Cubanadian, after all.

Leftflank's avatar

Ted Cruz was the original cow fucker in the House, Devin learned everything that he knows and blows from him.

Schmoozan Salamander's avatar

I love this and imma steal it.