248 Comments
User's avatar
kareemachan's avatar

Isn't he the one who likes canned soup?

Expand full comment
Gherkins d'Resistance's avatar

And "likes" certain kinds of porn, with his social media account.

Expand full comment
The Rain in Spain's Therapist's avatar

Not to mention his father offed a president. How is he still in office???

Expand full comment
TalentNotAutotune's avatar

I'm impressed he used "Malthusian" properly.

Expand full comment
Amethyst πŸ’™β™ŒπŸ€πŸ΄β€β˜ οΈ's avatar

Beto couldn't quite do it, but there must be somebody in Texas who can beat this slimeball.

Expand full comment
Blanche de Shambles πŸΉπŸ¦©πŸŒΊπŸŒ΄πŸŒ‹πŸŒ΄πŸ™'s avatar

Rafael "Ted" Cruz Jr.: Carbon Enthusiast

Rafael Cruz Sr.: Carbine Enthusiast

Expand full comment
Daniel's avatar

Pollution in the ocean decreased literally as soon as Ted Cruz came on land.

Expand full comment
Ninja0980's avatar

If Beto had run in 2024,he would have beaten him but TX is still too red at the moment.

Expand full comment
peteywheats's avatar

TED CRUZ DOESN’T BELIEVE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO MASTURBATEβ€œThere is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals,” his legal team argued.https://www.vanityfair.com/...

Expand full comment
Woke Mind Superspreader's avatar

I find this very difficult to masturbate to.

Expand full comment
Enter Ranting's avatar

Does it come with a selection of beige crayons?

Expand full comment
disraeli56's avatar

Turgid legal prose always chops the wood so to speak.

Expand full comment
disraeli56's avatar

Wow - Vowels - is there nothing they can't do.

Expand full comment
Thorn Spike's avatar

Shouldn't it be in French and Spanish, too? He's Cubanadian, after all.

Expand full comment
Leftflank's avatar

Ted Cruz was the original cow fucker in the House, Devin learned everything that he knows and blows from him.

Expand full comment
Schmoozan Salamander's avatar

I love this and imma steal it.

Expand full comment