Stupid Ted Cruz Forgot To Put Any Voter Fraud In His Brand New Book About Voter Fraud!
What an idiot, what a huge stupid gross idiot.
Well, we for one are shocked, we tell you, shocked.
Turns out Ted Cruz is out there on a book tour — going to Yankees games and having people yell at him "TRUMP CALLED YOUR WIFE UGLY AND YOU LOVED IT! YOU UGLY FUCK, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" and going on "The View" and having people yell at him "Fuck you, Ted Cruz!" — and his entire book is a fraud. Loser could just go home to Cancun, it's so pointless.
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You see, Ted Cruz's book, I Am The Neediest Booger On Donald Trump's Grundle And So Can You *, is supposed to be the "first inside account" of what happened on January 6. And he was one of the prime seditionists that day, so he should know! But he has been saying he takes readers "through the evidence of election fraud and voter fraud in 2020 that the Democrats and the corporate media insist doesn't exist."
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See? Here he is saying those very things:
“Cruz: This book is the first inside account of what happened on January 6. I take the reader through the events of 2020 election, up to January 6. I take them through the evidence of election fraud in November 2020…”
— Acyn (@Acyn) 1666580716
Well, you are going to be embarrassed for Ted Cruz, are you ready to be embarrassed? Know how the expression says people have "egg on their face"? Well Ted Cruz has an entire uncooked can of Campbell's chunky soup on his face, because that's what he gets on his face. Ready?
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Ready again? Here we go!
TED CRUZ FORGOT TO PUT ANY EVIDENCE OF VOTER FRAUD IN HIS BOOK!
Just like Dinesh D'Souza did with his garbage 2,000 Mules book and movie and action figure series!
Here is the Washington Post's Philip Bump, making fun of Ted Cruz and rubbing it in:
This particular “corporate media” outlet can now report that, in fact, rampant fraud continues not to exist — as demonstrated, here at least, by Cruz’s failure to present any of his promised evidence of election or voter fraud.
Derp.
Bump says that Cruz instead uses his book to argue that if he had been calling the shots, all of Trump's loser idiot lawsuits wouldn't have been so very idiot loser, and they would have worked.
“I called President Trump, and told him that he needed to assemble a far better legal team, and he needed to do so immediately,” Cruz writes at one point, with the tone of a guy trying to impress his friends.
Nailed Ted Cruz's entire life right there.
But, sadly, no lawyers would take Trump’s case — a failure Cruz chalks up, no doubt accurately, to Trump’s reputation. When Trump asked if he, Ted Cruz, would argue Texas’s last-ditch lawsuit should it get to the Supreme Court, Cruz readily agreed. Unfortunately for Trump (Cruz would have us think), Cruz never got the chance. The suit, a pastiche of nonsense , was quickly turned away.
And so forth. If people had listened to him and just not certified the election until all the fraud claims had been sorted out — they had been, as Bump explains — everything would be fine now.
Bump says when Cruz writes about fraud, this is how he writes about it:
He’s more than willing to warm over a wide array of right-wing boogeymen from the days of yore — both ACORN and the New Black Panther Party make appearances — but he generally constrains his claims about fraud in ways that leave him an escape hatch back to reality.
For example, he quotes from the speech he gave shortly before the Capitol riot :
“Voter fraud has posed a persistent challenge in our elections, although its breadth and scope are disputed. By any measure, the allegations of fraud and irregularities in the 2020 election exceed any in our lifetimes.”
Let’s shift the focus to make the gambit here clear: “UFOs remain a threat to our nation’s cows. By any measure, the claims of people seeing UFOS exceed any in our lifetimes.” See how that works?
Or:
It’s always 2020 “might have been the most fraud-ridden election in the history of the United States” this and “no one would ever find out whether there had been serious fraud that tipped the election in one direction or the other” that.
Sadly the truth must remain a mystery!
And then there are the parts, Bump explains, where Cruz just lies and/or appears to just copy off D'Souza's paper. We won't spoiler Bump's whole piece for you, it's too fun.
How embarrassing, a whole book about fraud in the 2020 election, which mentions no fraud in the 2020 election.
What a humiliating mistake!
Haha, just kidding, none of this was a mistake. Ted Cruz, like all conservative fascist shithole humans, is just a lying grifter, none of these fuckers ever had any evidence of fraud, all of this is just to sell books, and when no wingnuts actually buy his book, it won't matter, because there's an entire book-buying machine that exists solely to make it look like conservative losers' books are best-sellers.
In summary and in conclusion, here's a clip from "The View" where Cruz says his wife Heidi Cruz thought it was very funny when Donald Trump called her disgustingly ugly, and his dad thought it was very funny when Trump accused him of murdering John F. Kennedy.
“Ted Cruz said on The View that his wife Heidi laughed when Trump smeared her as ugly during the 2016 primary, and his dad laughed when Trump suggested he was involved in JFK's assassination”
— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1666634175
Same vile, debased motherfucker he's always been.
* Oops, the book is called Justice Corrupted. We feel like our fake title captures Ted Cruz's spirit better, though.
[ Washington Post ]
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