Texas Idiot Signs Up For Russian Army, Is Surprised To Be Put On Front Lines
But Trump will be making peace there any minute, you betcha!
President Donald J. Trump would like everybody to ignore those boring old Epstein Files, so hey, how’s that peace he made between Russia and Ukraine going?
Not great! Especially for one Derek Huffman, 46 and a father of six, who migrated to Russia earlier this year from Texas with his wife and their three youngest children. They were seeking a better life, meaning one with no rainbow flags, books with two daddies, or drag queens pouring pitchers of bottomless mimosas. And now Derek’s in the Army!
You might be wondering how he got there! Huffman was one of a handful of Americans and Canadians who move to Russia every year with poor-to-nonexistent Russian language skills who got persuaded by God and/or online Russian propaganda that the West is a sinking, sinful cess-hole. Once in Russia, the refugees from woke fill YouTube channels with vlogs of propaganda for the Fatherland formerly known as the Motherland, documenting themselves doing butch stuff like farming, pooping in outhouses, and shopping for Chinese power tools, and gush in interviews on state television about how grateful and hashtag-blessed they are to be away from the “LGBTQ indoctrination of kids.”
The Russian government even allotted land to build a safe-space village outside of Moscow for Americans fleeing “liberal gender norms,” though the government withdrew from the project after Huffman and one other family were the only takers.
Huffman believed in the promise of Russia so much that he even joined the Army there, so he could get citizenship faster and without passing the language and Russian civics and history test, believing for some reason that he wouldn’t be sent into combat. He’d hoped his welding skills could be put to use making weapons to drop on Ukrainian maternity wards, or his vlogging skills would get him a job as a war correspondent.
He also thought that he was only signing up for a one-year-tour. But oh baby, there’s no one-year tour in Russia! And either because the Russians deceived him (they would never!) or because his Russian language skills were bad, the Russian Ministry of Defense sent him directly to the front lines with barely any training and all of it in Russian, to serve a combat tour of indefinitely, according to his wife DeAnna. Full cultural and language immersion!
“He feels like he’s being thrown to the wolves right now, and he’s kind of having to lean on faith, and that’s what we’re all doing,” she said on their YouTube channel, HuffmanTime.
Reports the Telegraph UK,
Since then, there have been no new images or videos of Mr Huffman. The family commented on their YouTube channel that he was “doing fine”.
However, a link on their channel, which has since been deleted, directed users to a Telegram group titled “Save that little girls”.
Created on Sunday, the group contained one message: “We are asking the United States government to save this family,” along with a photo of Mrs Huffman and her daughters crying in the street.
It is unclear if the family created the group. The Telegraph has contacted the Huffmans for comment.
And then their channel was deleted.
Also deleted, Patriot missiles going directly to Ukraine. Trump will be now selling, not giving, American weapons to NATO countries to pass along, at some point, after the details of the deals get finished, no big hurry, not like it’s life or death or something. And remember those extra sanctions Trump said Russia should get after Putin ignored the ceasefire ultimatum Trump gave them? Would you believe he’s chickened out yet again?
Just like he has with Russia in every single encounter, ever since they meddled in the 2016 election to help him. Flashback to when he himself acknowledged that they did that!
Jeffrey Epstein had some interesting ties to Russia, including a possible spy who took money from him for “female empowerment” and hung around his mansion.
Sorry, we got boring there for a minute! Anyway, the Senate, in some rare bipartisanship, was all set to pass new sanctions on Russia. But then yesterday Trump told the Senate to back off with that so he could have even more time to sweet-talk Putin. He’s just a sucker for Putin’s love, like Teena Marie. Or for his kompromat!
Russia and Ukraine are meeting in Turkey for their third round of talks, but Russia says not to expect any “miracles,” and is keeping on at bombing civilians, even targeting children with drones at playgrounds, hospitals and on the street. Because they are desperate, evil, and losing, weaker than ever, holding less Ukrainian ground now than in 2022.
So, sounds like Derek Huffman’s tour of duty is going to be a long one, or a short one for very bad reasons. (A fake news making the rounds yesterday said it was “confirmed” he’d already been killed in action. That does seem to have been a fake news, and if he had been, it would be nothing to laugh at!) Hopefully it will end better for him than it did for Michael Gloss, the 21-year-old son of a CIA official who signed up to fight for Russia and died within months, or Russell “Donbas Cowboy” Bentley, the former Texan who joined the Russian army and then got tortured and killed allegedly by Russian forces who thought he was a spy. Then they blew up his body.
Sometimes it does seem to turn out for expatriates, though. Remember those Canadians, the Feenstras, who fled Canada with eight of their kids because of the woke pride flags, and had to take down some of their complaints about having their bank account frozen?
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They’re still alive and posting, and daddy Arend is building a barn, and complaining, now that the government is not helping him buy a hay baler.
Not very communist of them.
But here’s a tip, don’t believe everything you slooshish on the Internet, and if the Russian government ever hands you a contract, and you don’t read Russian, don’t sign it. Or do, because maybe the reason God called you to Russia is because He hopes to see you sooner! Or to haveth thou serve as a warning to others. Who are we to say?
Good luck to them all!
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[Free Press archive link / Telegraph UK archive link/ WSJ gift link / NYT archive link/ Radio Free Europe]
old enough to remember when critical thinking skills were admired
How bad do you think you have it when you have to move to Russia from TEXAS?