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Marla's avatar

Better sex with a banana than Ted Cruz. Just look at him. A hagfish, a blobfish.

And just because...fuck Ted Cruz. With a dildo.

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Major Is My Spirit Animal's avatar

The reason I ended up reading as much as I did in my childhood was because I realized that naughty bits were scattered here and there in what otherwise seemed to be fairly innocuous tomes - so apparently the Texass Lege really wants to discourage reading.

I'm off to open a dildo emporium on the border of Texass and NM, as that seems to be the only state bordering that paragon of stupidity that hasn't joined them in a case of one-upsmanship.

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Jennifer's avatar

If allowing minors to access explicit books results in the librarian being arrested, I look forward to the copies of the Bible all being moved to the padlocked section.

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fawkedifiknow's avatar

Couches. You left couches off your list of Jebus offending items to be banned. JD Vance have anything to do with your omission?

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Cheese's avatar

Wales - represent! Where every bookshelf has a dildo.

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Heather Hutchison's avatar

Gotta keep those "educational tools" available for the pederast to use to train his child bride, huh?

Because clearly, he needs to grab them young enough to convince them his ED is normal.

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Pamela Tinkham-Harms's avatar

You said parents should be on top of dildos, which is the best idea since sex, and drugs and rock n' roll

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Thompson SubMachinegun's avatar

Start sending dildoes to Texas state legislators with their faces imprinted on the heads of them!

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FloridaFloozy's avatar

Gotta keep those teen pregnancy rates up. Let's face it, a girl with a "friend in the sock drawer" is less likely to make bad decisions in the back of a pickup truck.

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kmblue187's avatar

Speaking for myself, dildos do nothing for me. But you'll have to pry my "Magic Wand" vibrator from my cold dead hands.

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kmblue187's avatar

What we need is a zombie apocalapse. Then nobody would have any bills to pay, and Trump would be one of the soonest eaten, along with most of Congress, oh yes, and let's not forget the Supreme Court. The rest of us would know how to survive from "The Walking Dead."

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Zarquon's avatar

I thought zombies liked to eat brains - Trump doesn't have one

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kmblue187's avatar

He has a lizard brain, besides, I don't think zombies are solely into brains. If they were, they wouldn't survive long in this country.

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FloridaFloozy's avatar

I would think that trump would taste pretty bitter. He looks like he's gone off a while ago. Should've been kept in the fridge.

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Delmarva Peninsula's avatar

Buttplugs are fine, though, right? Asking for a friend.

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Enter Ranting's avatar

The good people of Texas should make sure dildos start showing up all over the Texas Capitol Building.

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RRJKR's avatar

Reports of vile " Leftists" attacking and sodomizing good Christian MAGA folk with unusually large dildos is what led up to this necessary legislative action Worse, there have been subsequent reports of good Christian MAGA folk seeming to enjoy this degradation My Lord, lead me to the fainting couch!

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RRJKR's avatar

Demand your Constitutional right to own as many dildos as you like. to be used alone or with other consenting adults. However, you must keep them properly secured, especially while being transported in a motoer vehicle. Approved dildo locks are a must.

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I Stedman's avatar

Don't mention the Bible. There's quite a lot of "and he knew her" in there...

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RRJKR's avatar

Them old goat herders knew how to have a good time What happens out with the flocks st night stays out with the flocks at night. You think "Brokeback Mountain" was a new story?

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