The Finest Funerary Trucker Cap: Tabs, Mon., March 9, 2026

News and things to read and watch!

A fennec fox in dunes, filmed in Morocco. Gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Hooray, we are all still here and didn’t die yet! Welcome back to another week! Air kisses for each of your beautiful invisible digital cheeks, mwah mwah!

President Donald John Trump and his motley coterie traveled to Dover Air Force base on Saturday to receive the remains of six US service members who died in Kuwait. He’d attended dignified transfers before, but as the New York Times put it, in oddly elementary language:

Back then, Mr. Trump was honoring Americans who died in wars that he inherited from other presidents. The six he saw on Saturday died in a war he started all on his own. It is a war with no end in sight. He said the other day that the U.S. military had enough firepower to fight this war “forever,” and the answers his officials give as to how long it could last continue to shift by the day.

And Trump saw fit to wear a trucker hat, which was so fucking cringe that Fox News dug up old hatless footage of him to run instead. Or it was a sloppy error. Imagine if Obama…sigh. (New York Times gift link / Daily Beast via Yahoo)

Hats and suits are sure more pleasant to contemplate than all that senseless death.

And on Friday, Trump promised Latin American soccer players that he was going to overthrow Cuba in “a couple of weeks.” Oh. (The Times archive link)

And how are they going to get enough soldiers for this forever war?

Oh.

But in spite of all the war crimes in Iran and elsewhere, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries won’t commit to blocking funding more of them. (NBC)

Iran attacking a desalination plant in Bahrain is an ominous new development, signaling they are not averse to doing war crimes if Trump keeps on war criming them; millions of people in the Middle East, including Israel, rely mostly on desalinated seawater. (Wall Street Journal)

In other news of murderous civil rights violations, newly released bodycam footage of the homicide of Ruben Ray Martinez, 23, in Austin, shows that — as they’ve done every single time they have shot someone in a moving car —DHS agents were lying and Martinez did not try to run any of them over before being fatally shot three times by Homeland Security Investigations Agent Jack C. Stevens. (Scripps News)

Not a Drag Queen Dept.: “Capitol rioter pardoned by Trump given life sentence for molesting two children.” (The Guardian)

“Trump illegally tariffed the world in an instant but needs 4 million ‘man hours’ for refunds unless ‘automated controls’ kick in,” of course. (Law and Crime)

Another thing to blame Elon Musk for: it turns out Ndiaga Diagne, the suspect accused of a mass shooting in an Austin bar, was a Tesla employee who also had allegedly assaulted a 65-year-old co-worker, unprovoked. And the victim, Lillian Mendoza Brady, who’d never seen or met Diagne before he attacked her, says that Tesla refused to tell her Diagne’s name so she could not press charges, and she only learned who he was after seeing his picture after the shooting. She’s suing Tesla now, as well she should. (Austin Statesman archive link)

Did a guard named Tova Noel get paid to murder Jeffrey Epstein and falsify records, or were the large cash deposits she made around the time he died another one of the many super weird coincidences? Also, an inmate told the FBI he and others had overheard Tova and other guards: “Dudes, you killed that dude.” Tova replied, “If he is dead, we’re going to cover it up and he’s going to have an alibi — my officers.” Yet the FBI never followed up on any of that. So many coincidences! The missing strangulation ligature, all the broken bones in Epstein’s neck, the missing camera footage, his death being announced on 4Chan before it was public … starting to sound like maybe that guy didn’t kill himself. (New York Post / Miami Herald archive link)

There can’t be enough words written about how law enforcement at every level, under administrations going back to George Bush, and including Democratic officials like former NY DA Cyrus Vance Jr., failed to believe or protect Epstein’s victims. Hundreds of child-trafficking victims could have been saved if they had! Seems almost like the coverup we’re seeing right now has actually been going on behind the scenes all along, because many more gross rich old men than we ever wished to imagine really really really want to fuck children, and/or do favors for their rich pals who do, and nobody wants to cross them. (Last Page First)

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Support Rebecca’s girls’ Detroit public elementary school and buy some pizza (pizza)! Little Caesar’s will ship incredibly convenient pizza kits right to your home that you can store in your freezer forever! Much tastier than a Jim Bakker doomsday grub bucket. (Pizza Pizza)

And for dessert, we recommend Girl Scout cookies supporting trans and other marginalized scouts, especially if you don’t have a Girl Scout handy near you! I ordered from Felix, because their troop will be donating proceeds to support Scouts in Minnesota who have been too scared to go out and sell this year, and that is intolerably sad. Or you can pick your own Scout and help them meet their goals, fun! Cookies freeze well too! (Erin in The Morning)

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