The Most Beautiful Trophy Wives Of Billionaires! Tabs, Wed., Dec. 2, 2020

What are we reading today? It's TABS!

Is Trump going to pardon Giuliani for criminally bribing him to pardon the Chucklefucks, Lev, Igor, and the Other One? I don't know, this order thingie is full of black bars and I can't be bothered to read it. But I do know the page I looked at kept saying "Bribery-for-pardon scheme," and five bucks says "yes." (Unsealed Motion Order Thingie) 

Evan in the chatcave has an alternate theory: "i think it's pretty obvious that the lawyer here is Hunter Biden and he's bribing his incoming DAD and the "emails" they keep talking about is LAPTOP"

Well, you can't argue with that!

Wait yes I can.

five bucks says it's BIIIIIILLL COSBY!!!! https: //t.co/Ui5TQ5h7BD

— Rebecca Schoenkopf, Wonkette Editrix, King Of You (@Rebecca Schoenkopf, Wonkette Editrix, King Of You) 1606869856.0 

I have said exactly all of this, but Bob Cesca went to the trouble of actually writing it down in one place: Trump would have actually won if he just did infrastructure — I actually had a momentary flash of a future Historically Beloved President Trump Who Built Great Things And Showed Us All — and then, when the corona started, just paid people to stay the fuck home. (Or, barring that, told his people that patriotism required wearing a tiny little piece of cloth, such a nothing, the Democrats want to shut everything down, but with this tiny little mask then we can reopen LIKE PATRIOTS!) — Salon 

I ... what? This retired three-star falsely claims US soldiers died attacking a CIA facility in Germany tied to election fraud . I ... what? (Military Times)

Asshole Kentucky AG Daniel Cameron wants the Supreme Court to rule that Gov. Andy Beshear is discriminating against religious schools by ... treating them exactly the same as public schools. What a fucking asshole. (Courier-Journal) 

Georgia dude piiiiiiissed. 

This is what cold, hard fury sounds like. https: //t.co/KfcWwCWQIg

— James Ball (@James Ball) 1606866050.0 

He should just read this Twitter thread, then he will know about all the frauds, or at least the terrible frauds people testified to in gonna guess Michigan, like "the Black people were wearing rhinestones," and you can see how that would be an ish.

Hey QAnon, we found your baby-seller, and it's this "adoption attorney" and former Republican official, and he's going to grownup jail. — Daily Beast 

Student loan debt hurts struggling families, but @FederalReserve Chair Powell confirmed to me today that it also hu… https: //t.co/b3eFsNWbS5

— Elizabeth Warren (@Elizabeth Warren) 1606851274.0 

Betsy DeVos says eliminating student debt is Bad Though. Hmmmm, which do we choose? — Washington Post 

What Janet Yellen could do to unfuck the economy even though Treas Sec Mnuchin did evil-sabotage shit like "make it so she can't actually spend the unspent money from the CARES Act on the things Congress appropriated it to be spent on." (Business Insider) 

Should we make rightwing nutjob Pat Toomey Secretary of Something? Sure! Why not! — Eric Levitz at New York mag 

The orcas are going to get us. — Daily Kos 

GODDAMMIT. (USPS Operation Santa) 

Somebody go to the store and get me some mascarpone cheese and we are READY TO GO. Lemon Cranberry No Bake Cheesecake. WAIT I CAN REPLACE THE MASCARPONE WITH WHIPPED AND SOUR CREAM! I HAVE EVERRRRRYTHING! — Salon 

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .

Love Wonkette? We love you right back! Now love us with money please, if you are able!