The Poisonous Beauty Advice Columns Of Victorian England! Tabs, Thurs., April 11, 2024

Morning news roundup!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Like 10 minutes ago, Arizona Senate nominee Kari Lake was all for the 1864 abortion ban in her state, but now it’s happened, and she is demanding the manager FIX IT! (Gift link Washington Post)

So everybody in the world is like oh nooooo we didn’t mean to ban abortion like 1864, so then Democrats tried to repeal the ban and the Republicans all stopped them. Republicans (who have the AZ Lege … for now) stopped them yestertoday … TWICE. (AZ Central)

AZ abortion ban is what Trump wants, he gave that to you. (Joan Walsh at The Nation)

Our Liz corrects the world (and even Wonkette!): It wasn’t wacky that Trump “sued the judge,” it is just a thing that happened. The rest of it is wacky and also bullshits though. I feel her pain. PEOPLE were WRONG???? (Law and Chaos)

Ohhhh, prettyboy Montana Republican Senate candidate Tim Sheehy’s aerial firefighting company lost $77 million last year, and might not be around in another year? Has he tried selling steaks, vodka, and gambling instead? (Montana Free Press)

The following are two stories about Israel and Gaza and people being dicks about them. Please don’t be dicks about them. Thank you in advance.

Tucker Carlson interviewed some wackjob Christian pastor about how Israel is bad for Christians — no, of course they were not interrogating whether Israel might be bad for anyone else — and the rightwing Jewish people (and Dan Crenshaw? And Heath Mayo?) are letting FLY. I guess they’ve been holding in those Tucker-related soul farts for a long long time. Heath Mayo: “Tucker Carlson belongs in the same category as Candace Owens & Nick Fuentes—nut jobs servicing a malicious antisocial fringe: a fringe that huddles in dark corners of society, extremely online, cheering grifters who will voice tropes & excuses for the fringe’s personal failures.” Dan Crenshaw:

“[Five paragraphs of Dan fucking Crenshaw getting high on his own farts and then finally:] Tucker will eventually fade into nothingness, because his veneer of faux intellectualism is quickly falling apart and revealing who he truly is: a cowardly, know-nothing elitist who is full of shit.”

— Mediaite

You know, supposed progressives at Berkeley, you could go to your professor’s home as his guest without giving a big speech about how he is a war criminal who eats people because he is Jewish Zionist? I’m just kidding, no you can’t. (Erwin Chemerinsky) Here’s what Chemerinsky wrote that is eating babies. (Lookout, originally at the LAT) According to the 20,000 comments on Instagram though, Chemerinsky and his wife Catherine Fisk should go to jail forever for assault, the young woman had the right to protest in their home because Berkeley owns it (I’m pretty sure those commenters are not California landlord/tenant fair-housing-law lawyers!), and I have never felt so goddamn old. (Believe it or not, I’m so wishy-washy centrist asshole shitlib that I don’t even like protesters going to Brett Kavanaugh’s house either.) This is all going to be a whooole thiiiing.

Trigger warning for this lady murdered a kid.

I am so angry at this asshole woman right now, who killed her partner, killed her baby, killed herself in her Porsche Cayenne, because Jews and the fucking Eclipse. Look, we all had fun laughing at the idiots upset about the moon eating the sun, but it’s been FUCKING CENTURIES OR EVEN MILLENNIA I AM NOT A SCIENCE HISTORY MAJORY SINCE WE’VE KNOWN IT’S A FUCKING SHADOW YOU DICK. (LAT via MSN)

Now that’s all over. Other things!

Weird, the LAT acts like the 99 Cent Only store closed because of theft and high California wages and it’s so many thousands of words before they get to “venture capital high debt load.” Weird! (LA via MSN)

So are Wohlman and Burk going to be the only GOP grifters who actually pay their (court mandated, million-dollar) settlement? Maaaaybe? They are very dumb! (CNN)

Harris County Judge (like county mayor) Lina Hidalgo thinks Texas AG Ken Paxton, suing over Houston’s little $500-a-month UBI experiment, can eat some shit! (Houston Chron)

I guess Tennessee just forgot to apply for free money for its food banks and farmers. What a forgetful Fred! (Civil Eats)

Have you subscribed to Wonk pal Sarah Taber’s North Carolina Ag commissioner campaign newsletter yet? She won’t spam you, and she’s such an evocative writer. Here’s her latest, it’s a quick one about the state Dem slate and a runty strawberry. It is GOOD that there is a good person running to do good things for all of us. You can sign up at the link! (Sarah for NC)

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Okay, but would you read THE SPLIT if it’s Ellis and Steve blogging about some Claremont Institute nazzy Trump-laving bullshits? Oh good! :) (The Split)

This is why you don’t teach lessons transfer money into and out of your home checking account to all the checking accounts you’re churning! (Miles Earn and Burn)

Did you think I was out of tabs about cruise ships? I am nowhere close to being out of tabs about cruise ships. What happened to the world’s first crypto liner, the Satoshi, was … (The Guardian)

Robyn was just talking about arsenic wafers! Poison, beauty, Victorians. (Atlas Obscura)

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