Greetings, friends! It's time once again for the Snake Oil Bulletin, a most special feature on this most special of mommyblogs. Today we're going to delve into the many ways mommies are mommying this world to make the world mommier for mommies! Whether it's how you're going to birth your spawn, or how you're going to dump it on someone else so you can go boozing and pill-huffing for a few hours, being a good mommy takes lots of time and research (and booze, did we forget booze?). Enclosed in today's bulletin are stories of two mommies mommying their very best, and by best we mean they are absolutely the worst.
because it’s pretty hard to beat fucking tap water for safety. Now, now, now - let's be fair, here. I'm sure that the professional purveyors of charlatanism homeopathy use distilled, deionized water in making their delusions dilutions. Only the *best* nothing-but-water for their zero-efficacy nostrums!
Not to mention giving birth in the ocean where there are sharks, animals who are attracted by the presence of blood in the water at as low as 1ppm and can swim to its location at anywhere from 40 to 60 mph. Not real bright, this pair.
To be fair, “No Jab No Play” is going to be 100% more effective than the Candie's Foundation slogan through Bristol's Abstinence program, "Pause before you Play."
I spent a good chunk of yesterday feeling inordinately chuffed that Australia is an A Number 1 super worker-friendly special place for everyone, even people in food retail, where we pay people for days off and public holidays and for working 'til midnight -- only to be incredibly humbled by the first story off the ranks today, which is about some prize dipstick from my home STATE (ffs) who deserves a bloody good smacking. In the head. With a medical dictionary.
Well that's me told. I won't ever feel undeservedly proud again**.
Allow me to enlighten you (a bit). It's a tiny abscess on the dandruff-ridden scalp of the NSW coast (right near the border of Queensland -- which is the equivalent of Mississippi to you and me), and it's white. Oh so very white. Their main industry is beef, their preferred sport is rugby league, and their main hobby is Stopping The Boats (and the gays).
People from Casino would rather be called anything bar something that suggests their ancestry is anything other than Anglo-Celtic. And while I'll acknowledge 'Wanda' has its own share of weird attached, it can be pronounced by illiterate school drop-outs working at the abattoir and the dial-up pizza delivery place without it having to be explained (or spelled out phonetically).
The number one problem with Australia, besides all the poisonous animals and weird ways they say words, is they spell immunisation with an "s" not a "z". Totally upside down! If America uses a Z then that's how Jesus would spell it.
because it’s pretty hard to beat fucking tap water for safety. Now, now, now - let's be fair, here. I'm sure that the professional purveyors of charlatanism homeopathy use distilled, deionized water in making their delusions dilutions. Only the *best* nothing-but-water for their zero-efficacy nostrums!
Too stupid for vaccination? Find yourself another nation.
And who the fuck would rather be called Wanda than Juanita?
Not to mention giving birth in the ocean where there are sharks, animals who are attracted by the presence of blood in the water at as low as 1ppm and can swim to its location at anywhere from 40 to 60 mph. Not real bright, this pair.
A Fish?
If you have your baby at the beach, do you have to name it Sandy?
Once you go porpoise, you'll live with purpose!
The CIA?
To be fair, “No Jab No Play” is going to be 100% more effective than the Candie's Foundation slogan through Bristol's Abstinence program, "Pause before you Play."
I spent a good chunk of yesterday feeling inordinately chuffed that Australia is an A Number 1 super worker-friendly special place for everyone, even people in food retail, where we pay people for days off and public holidays and for working 'til midnight -- only to be incredibly humbled by the first story off the ranks today, which is about some prize dipstick from my home STATE (ffs) who deserves a bloody good smacking. In the head. With a medical dictionary.
Well that's me told. I won't ever feel undeservedly proud again**.
...
**Yes I will. My bad.
Only if your last name is Beecher or Shore.
I'm so printing out this picture to use during my condom demonstration classes; "If your penis isn't this big, you don't need Magnum condoms".
Someone from Casino.
Allow me to enlighten you (a bit). It's a tiny abscess on the dandruff-ridden scalp of the NSW coast (right near the border of Queensland -- which is the equivalent of Mississippi to you and me), and it's white. Oh so very white. Their main industry is beef, their preferred sport is rugby league, and their main hobby is Stopping The Boats (and the gays).
People from Casino would rather be called anything bar something that suggests their ancestry is anything other than Anglo-Celtic. And while I'll acknowledge 'Wanda' has its own share of weird attached, it can be pronounced by illiterate school drop-outs working at the abattoir and the dial-up pizza delivery place without it having to be explained (or spelled out phonetically).
You're welcome.
The number one problem with Australia, besides all the poisonous animals and weird ways they say words, is they spell immunisation with an "s" not a "z". Totally upside down! If America uses a Z then that's how Jesus would spell it.
We're not One Nation Under God though. We don't care how Jesus would spell it.
If I had a dime...