The Softer Side Of ICE. Tabs, Wed., Jan. 28, 2026

Morning news roundup and things to read!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Good morning good morning, Trump doesn’t like the shootings, it’s time to “de-escalate” and have “heart.” Like so:

Why public opinion sometimes moves really really fast, in this case on “immigration” and abolish ICE. (G. Elliott Morris)

You can’t train your way out of evil. (The New Republic)

“Embattled” Kristi Noem is clearly leaking that it wasn’t her, it was Stephen Miller who came up with the disgusting lie about Alex Pretti wanting to “assassinate” and “massacre” ICE. Well, obviously. He said it first and she then repeated it word for word. Not particularly exculpatory, there, Rohm. (Axios) Meanwhile, “the president wants it unfucked” and they want local Minneapolis PD to protect ICE while it does its “operations.” But they’re not going to listen to Democrats, because Democrats lost the election based on immigration, even though everybody who voted for that now fuckin’ hates it. These guys aren’t very bright, and it continues to get out of hand. (Axios again)

“The court’s patience is at an end.” Judge orders ICE chief to come defend the agency personally in court. (Order) The same judge, who once clerked for Antonin Scalia, also released this crazy letter about what the fuck why are you expecting me to arrest Don Lemon. “Apparently I am supposed to guess what the petition is about and guess what the mandamus petition says and then respond. I will do so.” (Letter)

Oh. “Court records show that during the hiring process, the man Bovino selected for a senior role, Christopher Bullock, wrote that Bovino was like a confederate general, set to liberate a fort from Black union soldiers.” (The American Prospect)

The man who was choked to death in an ICE camp, witnesses say by guards? The ICE camp reported it as suicide. (Gift link Washington Post)

The Archdiocese of Newark says call your congresspeople and tell them NO. (Letters From Leo)

It’s Garrett Bucks so of course it’s lovely, but I particularly liked learning about Hubert Humphrey and his mayoralty of Minneapolis. (The White Pages)

Maybe young men will stop looking to this gross goon-flavored masculinity now, since all the goons are cowards anyway. (Brian Beutler)

Is Trump posting on his fake twitter proper “notice” of the charges against you? The Supreme Court will decide! (Balls and Strikes)

Did US taxpayers sop up $6 billion in losses to pay off Jeffrey Epstein’s hedge fund during the 2008 financial crisis? Sure looks like it! (Craig Unger)

Whaaaaat, Ag Secretary Brooke Rollins’s “a chicken, a broccoli, a tortilla, and something else” is bullshit? That can’t be right. (The Bulwark)

Alex Vindman is running for US Senate in Florida. (AP) And Eleanor Norton Holmes, the nonvoting delegate for DC because they don’t get to vote, is retiring. She has been ailing, but like Dianne Feinstein before her didn’t seem to know it. Bless her. (Reuters)

This is very very very mean to Bari Weiss and Tony Dokoupil. I think I’ll have a Bulleit. (The Ringer)

He’s too healthy, he’s too active, and no, you did not see with your own eyes that he just nodded out. And then a doctor said this. A medical doctor. Are you ready? Are you SURE?

“You worked for the Obamas, didn’t you?” Leavitt said to Jones.

“Yes, I did,” he said. Jones had, in fact, worked from 2009 to 2018 as a senior medical leader in the White House. At the end of his presidency, Barack Obama, a fitness fanatic rumored to allow himself precisely seven almonds a night, was 55 years old.

“Who is healthier, Obama or President Trump?” I asked.

Trump stared across the desk, making eye contact with Jones. Jones didn’t hesitate.

“President Trump,” he said.

(New York mag)

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