The Super Bowl Is THE Time To Celebrate Our Best President's Birfday

This year's Super Bowl may not include Tim Tebow lecturing America about nearly-aborted fetuses, but it has something even better:  Lord Ronald Reagan! Some soulless libtards planned the Super Bowl to be on Reagan's 100th birthday, so to make up for this, the event will now include a pre-game circle jerk tribute to this dead president. (Haha, most American’s will probably be too drunk/too busy with their chicken wings and sex slaves by kick-off to even notice it's happening.) Why is football no longer just a safe space for pole dancing, strippers, and the occasional concussion? Here's where to catch the big game in D.C.

• Arlington Cinema and Draft House: Think about how great it is to watch grown men pummel each other on HD teevee and then think about how much better this could be on a movie screen. Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse will be showing the game on Sunday, and their full bar will be available for the event. Doors open at 4: 30PM. [Arlington Cinema and Draft House ]

• Againn: Can you actually watch football at a British Pub? Sure, why not, especially if the Pub is serving Guinness-soaked pretzels. Againn will be offering a "Dine and Draft Menu" on Sunday where $15 gets you a draft beer as well as a beefburger, fish and chips, veggie pie, shepherd’s pie, or bangers n’ mash. Or, for $10, you can get a pulled-pork sandwich with coleslaw, pork rinds, or smoked chicken wings. Draft beers will be $5 and oysters will be sold for $2 each. [Againn ]

• Nage Bistro: The Super Bowl starts at 6: 30PM, but if you're going to make it through the opening tribute, we recommend starting early with brunch. Nage is offering a special Super Bowl steak sandwich that comes topped with melted Wisconsin cheddar, smoked onions, and Tabasco aioli and served with truffle fries. Their brunch also includes bottomless Mimosas and Bloody Marys for $15. [Nage Bistro ]

• Old Glory: The only thing better than the Super Bowl AND Ronald Reagan is all you can eat BBQ and beer. Old Glory is offering an all-you-can-eat menu on their deck starting at 4: 30PM and the menu includes endless helpings of pork sliders, mini cheese steaks, and chicken wings, as well as a nacho bar. The only problem is you have to go to Georgetown to enjoy it. [Old Glory ]

• The Mighty Pint: Note: This is a Steelers bar. Do not go here if you are rooting for the Packers and/or are apathetic (that's just as bad). The bar will be offering specials on cheesesteaks and selling pitchers of Yuengling for $12 and Miller Lite for $10. [The Mighty Pint ]

• Public Bar: If you're serious about ending Sunday in cardiac arrest, head to Public Bar. They will be offering a heavy appetizer buffet as well as an open bar on domestic beer and rail drinks from 4PM until the end of the first quarter for $40. If you choose not to indulge in this death-producing buffet, domestic drafts will be $3 until halftime, $2 during the third quarter and $1 during the fourth quarter. Food specials include 25-cent wings and $5 hamburgers. Doors open at 11AM. [Public Bar ]

• McFadden's: Should you be in college or eager to get an STD, may we suggest McFadden’s? Their Super Bowl special is $30 for appetizers, an open bar and the chance to win your very own plasma teevee. [McFadden's ]

• Acadiana: The Saints aren't in the Super Bowl this year, which means everyone is welcome at Acadiana for the game. Specials include $5 cocktails and $4 draft beers, as well as half-off their bar food menu. [Acadiana ]

• Saint Ex: What would Washingtonians do if they could not get "elevated bar food" during the Super Bowl? There would be a massive looting of all the furniture stores on 14th Street, followed by binge shopping at Whole Foods. The "elevated" Super Bowl menu at Saint Ex includes chicken-confit tater tots with Dijon aioli, potato skins with prosciutto and fontina, and escargot and goat cheese poppers. They will also be serving Leinenkugel and Iron City Light beer. [Saint Ex ]