The Top 15 Times Juan Really DID Come Manzanas! (Most Of Them Were For Lunch). Tabs, Tues., Feb. 27, 2024

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Feb 27, 2024

Tabs by your loyal Martini Glambassador!

Either you get the joke in the headline, or you’ve never studied Spanish on Duolingo.

Good morning, here are some things to read/watch:

Surprise, the intel community is already super freaked about the possibility of having a traitor in the White House again. [Politico]

Speaking of, the Russian attacks on Joe Biden for the 2024 cycle have already begun. [NBC News]

Speaking of Russian attacks, poor James Comer’s star Russian spy witness has to stay in prison until his trial. [Courthouse News]

Ron Johnson, Putin’s dumbest senatorial puppet, is desperately hoping maybe James Comer’s star Russian spy witness isn’t lying to the FBI after all. (He is.) [Newsmax via Aaron Rupar]

Libs of TikTok Shithole-American Chaya Raichik is very upset after that interview she did with the Washington Post’s Taylor Lorenz, which made Chaya look like the evil, lonely and pathetic hate-crime-inciting ass she is. (She was literally wearing a T-shirt with Lorenz’s face on it at the time.) So she is on Twitter now bellyaching that Lorenz is a “lizard person.” [Twitter]

The Daily Wire’s Michael Knowles, one of the Republicans damaged enough that he’s trumpeting his opposition to IVF right now, told viewers yesterday that he doesn’t think “it would be advisable for the Republican Party to come out as the party of IVF right now.” But don’t get him wrong! He understands what infertility is like, because “sweet little Elise and I actually struggled to conceive our first child.” That’s right, that’s what he calls his wife. And he has no idea why that sounds fucking creepy to normal people. [Media Matters]

Weird, suddenly Republicans in Florida aren’t cumming themselves quite so hard to declare embryos people. [Washington Post]

One of Congress’s many anti-American seditionists, Scott Perry, wants to cancel the State of the Union address, because “border.” [Daily Beast]

Surprise, the dumbshits from the House who are supposed to be leading the “trial” of Alejandro Mayorkas are allllllll fucking it up. [Fox News]

But it’s fine, Marjorie Taylor Greene may not have to worry about pooping the rostrum anyway, because it sounds like Senate Democrats might just go ahead and dismiss the impeachment LOLLMAOROFL. [Politico]

Somebody allegedly mailed an envelope full of white powder to Donald Trump Jr.’s house. No, that isn’t a punchline. [Daily Beast]

Newt Gingrich says Michelle Obama is Black. No, no, no, he means INTENSELY Black. “She’s more racially intense than Barack,” says Newt. [Media Matters]

So PJ Harvey is doing an American tour this fall. Tix go on sale Friday, with a presale Wednesday. Click for the code! [Consequence]

Here are the “Food & Wine” top recipes of 2023, we haven’t cooked any of them. [Food & Wine]

All Of Us Strangers, which is supposedly the greatest film the Oscars completely ignored this year, is now on Hulu. Haven’t watched it, but going to. [Inverse]

Also this week we watched Beau Is Afraid, which the Oscars didn’t pay any attention to either. It’s cool, Patti Lupone is the scariest mom ever, you’ll love it. She talked about it on “The View” last year. [YouTube]

OK that’s it bye.

Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.

BlueSky!

@evanjosephhurst on Threads!

I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.

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