The United States Of Cryptids! Tabs, Fri., Nov. 3, 2023

Heck yeah! Morning news roundup!

NOT FOR POISONING! FOR CUTENESS ONLY! By your friend Martini Glambassador!

Sam Bankman Fried guilty? Oh, no shit? (CNN)

Trump’s codefendants neeeeed to see the nuclear secrets he stole, for their defense. — Our Liz at Above the Law

Yes, Don Junior on the witness chair — in (one of) the other trial(s) — was “vaguely” aware that his dad’s CFO Allen Weisselberg left the company after “some legal issues he got himself into.” Also, the judge had to ask him to slow down his rapid-fire speech, which was totally organic I’m sure. (Daily Beast)

This is a very good story about the Israel/Palestine divide among Democrats, and its hero is a (now former) Ro Khanna staffer for peace and Palestine who is not a caricature but an anguished child of generations of Mennonite pacifists. — New Yorker

I honestly thought this, about the Nancy Mace memos on how her staff should put her forward, was going to be kind of sexisty bullshit they wouldn’t do to an ambitious man congressman. But “National Nancy” is pretty wonderful, LOL. (Daily Beast)

A Memphis cop is the first to plead guilty and cooperate in the murder of Tyre Nichols, whom they beat to death. The prosecution is asking for 15 years. (Newser)

What journalists is Alabama arresting today? (WaPo at MSN)

Sarah Huckabee Sanders’s Arkansas polling in the shitter. — Axios

It should be worse. Just two of Radley Balko’s bullet points on Charlie Vaughn, whose sentence for a murder he did not commit Sanders just declined to commute. Just two:

• The state of Arkansas would later argue that Vaughn should have been aware of the developments in the other two cases [his supposed accomplices whose convictions were overturned], and because he didn’t file a claim within a year of when the attorneys in those cases uncovered new evidence, he had failed to show due diligence, and therefore is barred from benefiting from that new evidence.

• When that evidence was revealed, Vaughn was sitting in an Arkansas prison cell. He had no attorney at the time. Vaughn is also illiterate. During questioning for an evidentiary hearing in one of the other two cases, Vaughn appeared to think the hearing was for him.

He’s still in prison 30 years later. I don’t think I can even keep reading this, ugh, I’m going to keep reading this. God damn her to hell.

Ashcroft junior lying on state abortion initiative ballot summaries? That doesn’t sound like an Ashcroft. (AP)

Virginia lawmaker Tara Durant (currently running for state Senate) lied on a whole bunch of protesters — including a teenage girl she had dragged into jail who was at work at the time of the dangerous mob protest — after Durant tried to drive through them. — HuffPost

You know what they say: Women be poisonin’! (People)

Your friend CripDyke had more thoughts on the lack of trans children in sport: No, the fact that not a single trans athlete is competing in Mississippi doesn’t mean the “problem” of trans girls playing is overblown or nonexistent; it means 1000 kids in every state are too afraid to even try to go play sports with their friends because the blowback would be horrendous. — Pervert Justice

CHIP’s not permanent. We need to make CHIP permanent. (First Focus Campaign for Children)

Miranda Lambert (the country star? the country star) is just cold sending people recipes now. Here’s her recipe for pumpkin spice creamer, shut up, it sounds amazing and fattening as hell. (Half and half and condensed milk? come on!) (Miranda Lambert) And if you’re going to buy her cookbook (?!) at Amazon you should probably do it through my Wonkette cut link.

You guys know I believe in every cryptid — all of them. I would marry Bigfoot if he would have me. (Atlas Obscura)

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