This is Your Hot Fabulous Self on Drugs

An impeccably performance-enhanced Jose Canseco is in Washington D.C. this week to testify before Congress and serve as a radiant argument for reckless steroid consumption. That healthy hasselhoffian glow! Those sparkling blue peepers! That fierce runway strut! Paris and Nicole are jamming needles into their asses at this very moment.— GREG BEATO

