This Week's Power Player Is Kimberly Guilfoyle, Who Gets To Go To Greece Instead Of Banging Donald Trump Jr.
This is a foreign policy post.
As you might imagine, aside from all the big-name nominees hogging the attention, like Kash Patel, Pete Hegseth, Tulsi Gabbard, and the worm that lives inside Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s brain and speaks only in burps, Donald Trump is filling his administration with just some excellent, excellent people. For instance, Kari Lake gets to be the head of Voice Of America! That couldn’t be bad, right? She has a voice! And she is America! Anything else you hear about it is enemy propaganda!
A bunch of skeevy creeps and donors got ambassadorships, and more of the ranks of the previously indicted. The usual.
Has the MyPillow guy gotten a Cabinet-level position yet? What about Jeffrey Epstein’s exhumed penis? Watch Truth Social, their time is surely coming!
But the most important appointment is surely Kimberly Guilfoyle for ambassador to Greece. When Trump announced that, people had several reactions: from “Well, I guess the engagement is officially off,” to “Sure beats having sexual intercourse with Donald Trump Jr.” and, of course, “We are sorry, Greece.”
Let us discuss this foreign policy news and its implications.
It’s been a rumored thing for a while that Donald Trump Jr.’s penis had apparently selected a new host, a socialite named Bettina Anderson. They had been seen canoodling, she was at the RNC, etc. But Kimberly Guilfoyle, Junior’s loud yelling fiancée, was still around, seemingly, or nobody said she wasn’t. She was not in this “entire family” picture of the Trumps taken at Mar-a-Lago upon Trump’s victorious election, for instance. But neither was Melania, and nobody thinks she and Daddy Donald have stopped fucking nightly, do they? DO THEY?
Elon was in the picture, and it’s not like anybody thinks Elon is fucking anybody in the Trump family, do they? DO THEY?
Trump’s announcement was absolutely hilarious:
Oh yes, close friend and ally! Extensive experience in law, media, and politics, bilateral relations, strategic Yanni purposes, the whole bit. Very professional, important job!
So it sounds like Trump’s firstborn halfwit wants the freedom to walk around Mar-a-Lago pantsless with his new girlfriend, but there was one tiny shouting end to tie up.
Yeah that one.
So the Daily Mail ran a story on Tuesday about Junior seemingly doing new things with his penis, noting that Guilfoyle, to whom Junior has been engaged since 2020, was nowhere to be seen. Page Six reported Tuesday that the engagement is off.
So … Greece!
Trump spox Steven Cheung, the meathead former UFC spox guy who now walks behind Trump and picks up his droppings, says it is “sexist” to suggest that Guilfoyle got the important ambassadorship simply because she and Junior are no longer fucking and Junior begged Daddy to make his mean girlfriend fiancée lady go away.
Junior said on the internet that he is proud of her, but not that he’s going with her. Guilfoyle said on the internet that she is excited and honored, and that she looks “forward to delivering on the Trump agenda, supporting our Greek allies, and ushering in a new era of peace and prosperity.” Thank God, our long-running war against Greece is coming to an end!
Please read Page Six for all the gossips about what led to this, Junior and Guilfoyle and their “rocky” relationship, and how Guilfoyle doesn’t get along with the Trump family. “The family doesn’t like her,” said one source, in an echo of something another source said in 2022: “She is trying too hard to be in the family.” Like a common person who is marrying somebody who is in a family!
People magazine is also coming in with the goods. Junior has been dating Bettina reportedly for six months or so, just like, at the same time has he’s been with Guilfoyle. And oh golly, are they all glad that Guilfoyle is going to go the fuck away to Greece now:
“Kim is not a nice person and always wants the limelight,” [a] source alleges. “Don and Kim are over but they are going to offer her some kind of an administrative position so she will be happy.”
People reports that Junior thinks Bettina is more like Melania — AKA current Mommy! — and that he thinks Bettina will impress Daddy more than stinky Kim Guilfoyle.
“Don Jr. has always wanted to look good in his father’s eyes,” the source tells PEOPLE. “Someone like Bettina, who is and has been a model, and is in Waspy circles of Palm Beach is something that would impress him.”
This is in line with everything we know about Donald Trump not loving his son Donald Jr., and Junior spending his entire life melodramatically and performatively craving that love.
Junior also reportedly does not like Kimberly Guilfoyle’s dresses and high heels. They are not fun and relaxed, like Junior. Boo, Kimberly Guilfoyle’s dresses and high heels!
Anyway, People also says it’s Bettina Anderson who wanted Guilfoyle to GTFO and pushed for this:
“They are trying to send Kim abroad,” the source said, as PEOPLE previously reported. “They waited for the election to pass but they didn’t want the split to get in the way of anything to hurt Donald in the election.”
Who among us hasn’t been in this exact same situation, trying to get our father to send our current lover abroad because we hate her now and like the new one better?
The Daily Beast reminds us that Guilfoyle simply becomes the latest in a long line of Trump nominees who have been accused of sexual misconduct. Remember all that weird creepy shit? When she reportedly constantly bothered her assistant with tales of her sex life and showed them pictures of dudes’ dicks that she had slept with?
And so much more?
The woman also alleged Guilfoyle talked at length about her sexual exploits, once demanded a massage on her exposed thighs, and encouraged her to acquiesce to another Fox employee’s demands for sexual favors. She claimed the former host advised her to sleep with wealthy men and “asked her to critique her naked body,” according to The New Yorker.
Yeeeeeeah.
In summary and in conclusion, Kimberly Guilfoyle has exactly the skillset Donald Trump is looking for when he chooses Cabinet members and ambassadors, and if she gets a Senate confirmation hearing, we are certain she will be able to correctly identify on a map which continent Greece is on, probably, perhaps, or at least she will yell at the map.
America voted for this, and deserves this. Just another dispatch from “Trumpomuskovia,” as Timothy Snyder is calling it.
[People / People / Daily Beast]
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Remember when she auctioned a lap dance at an RNC fundraiser and nobody bid?
The decision was announced this weekend in what political commentators are calling "a Saturday night moussaka".