Those Cakes We Like ... Are Ready To Invade Your Larder!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and a Very Happy New Year too!

A slice or two may have escaped.

The Festive period is a time for tradition, and there are so many to choose from, many of which involve food and drink. Traditional Festive fare varies widely, from Stollen (but not like the 2020 election. Sit down, Donald!), to the Dickensian roast goose dinner, or the Coquito, a Puerto Rican drink made with coconut milk, spices, and rum. My favourite Festive Tradition is actually Welsh, and it does not involve the making or the eating of food — instead it involves deciding who gets to enjoy it. This particular tradition involves a battle to keep the contents of your Festive larder (and your alcohol). I speak, of course of the tradition of the Mari Lwyd, in which households are visited by the Mari Lwyd (a horse skull attached to a pole and carried by a man hidden under a sheet) and her merry band of followers who knock on the doors of local houses and request entry. The household is supposed to deny them entry, at which point a poetry or song battle commences to determine whether or not the Mari Lwyd gets to enter the house. Should the homeowner lose, the Mari Lwyd and her band of followers are permitted to enter the house and make merry with the contents of the larder and booze cabinet. Sadly, I am not Welsh, so I do not get to partake in this delightful Festive tradition.

A Little Slice of History

In a shocking twist, I am not going to give you the history of the recipe I intend to write about today, not when the Mari Lwyd offers a chance to explore the origins of this fascinating Festive tradition. Some of the earliest recorded mentions of Mari Lwyd date back to the 17th century, although it is entirely possible that the tradition is grounded in much older rituals.

The visiting of local households and the requesting of access to their larders during the festive period has a long history in Britain: Wassailing involved groups visiting their neighbours and offering a toast in exchange for food or gifts; carolling is the same thing only with a song rather than a toast, and the Victorian tradition for Boxing Day (December 26) involved masters gifting their servants with a box of gifts or food, or the rich giving food boxes to the poor.

Although associated with feeding strangers and the poor, the battle to gain entry and control of the larder also contains an element of the role swapping tradition of the midwinter festival, where on designated days social roles were reversed and household servants became the masters. This is a tradition which has its roots in the Roman festival of Saturnalia; it continued in Britain through the 14th century and gradually evolved into a myriad of similar traditions. These role swapping festivals spanned religious and secular settings and included the appointing of a choirboy to take on the role of the bishop for festive feast days associated with children, and the royal festival of the Lord of Misrule, where a minor court official or servant was appointed to preside over festive ceremonies and a jester was granted the use of a gibbet in order to perform mock executions of those who offended him. It is possible that the Mari Lwyd and her roving band of followers was another variation of the festive tradition of allowing the poor to seize power for a day of revelry.

The Cakes family don’t really buy into any of the religious elements of this particular time of the year, we tend to spend most of the holiday period at home, enjoying our own company and copious hot chocolates while watching Christmas movies. Food does play a large part in our Christmas routine though — you’d expect nothing less from me. One of the most iconic Christmas foods over here in the UK is the traditional Christmas cake, a rich and heavy fruitcake which is topped with marzipan and frosting. I’ve never been keen on the heavier variety (my grandmother’s Christmas cakes were legendary for their ability to crack tiles if dropped on the floor), so today I am offering you a lighter variation, suitable for enjoying as an afternoon snack alongside a cup of tea, or being frosted and decorated as a traditional Christmas dessert.

For those who ask Santa for a new pancreas for Christmas each year, the total amount of carbohydrates for this recipe (unfrosted) is 357.2g. It should comfortably serve 12 at 29.8g of carbohydrates per serving. The carbohydrates with frosting will depend on which frostings you use, and how much you cover it with.

Your Equipment

Digital kitchen scales

Mixing bowl and hand mixer, or stand mixer

Smaller mixing bowl (for beaten eggs)

Cake pan (8 inch round or 10 inch square)

Small saucepan

Cake board (if making the frosted version)

Your Ingredients

All the ingredients for a Festive treat.

For the Cake:

115 g butter (softened)

115 g soft brown sugar (white sugar will work, but the cake will be paler)

2 eggs (beaten)

140 g self rising/raising flour

1 tsp baking powder

2 tsp mixed spice

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tbsp milk

80 g dried mixed fruit (currants, sultanas and citrus)

60g glacé cherries

1 tbsp soft brown sugar (or white sugar)

For the Spiced Syrup:

2 tbsp white sugar

2 tbsp water (you could use 1 tbsp of water and 1 tbsp of brandy if you prefer)

1 pinch each of mixed spice and cinnamon (approx ¼ tsp in total)

The Important Bit

Put on some appropriately festive clothing and stick on some seasonal tunes.

Grease your cake pan with a little extra butter and pre-heat your oven to 350F/180C.

In your mixing bowl or stand mixer, combine your butter (115g) and soft brown sugar (115g) until the butter is pale and fluffy (around 5 minutes on a medium-high speed should do it).

Slowly add your beaten egg to the butter and sugar mixture, keep mixing while you do this. When you’ve added half the egg mixture, add a heaped spoonful of the flour before continuing to add the rest of the egg — this will help to prevent the mixture from curdling.

Add the remaining flour, baking powder (1 tsp), mixed spice (2 tsp) and cinnamon (1 tsp) and fold this into the cake mixture. Now add your mixed fruit and glacé cherries and stir these through the cake mixture.

All ready to fold in the fruit.

Spoon your cake mixture into your prepared cake pan, smooth the top and sprinkle it with 1 tbsp of sugar.

Ready for baking.

Place the cake into your pre-heated oven for 30 minutes if using the square cake pan, or 45 minutes if using the smaller, round cake pan. You can check the cake is cooked by inserting a wooden skewer, if it comes out clean then the cake is ready, if not, return it to the oven for a further 5 minutes and retest.

Place your cake to one side to cook while you make your syrup.

Place your sugar (2 tbsp) and water (2tbsp) into your saucepan along with the mixed spice and cinnamon (¼ tsp in total). Heat until it just starts to boil and then simmer for 1 minute. Remove from the heat.

Take the cake out of the cake pan and turn it upside down. If you plan to serve the cake without frosting, use a skewer to poke holes in the bottom of the cake and then pour the syrup across the bottom of the cake. Leave the cake to cool fully before slicing into 12 rectangular portions.

Drizzle with the spiced syrup.

If you intend to cover the cake, place it onto a cake board with the flat side as the top. Use the syrup to brush the top and sides of the cake before covering it with thinly rolled marzipan (no more than ¼ of an inch thick). This can then be covered with either Fondant or Royal Icing (if using Royal Icing you’ll need to make it to a very thick consistency) and decorated with festive decorations of your choosing.

A simple decoration of edible silver balls works well.

Now it’s time to enjoy your cake, unless you plan to save it and enjoy it with your family and friends over the Christmas period. Whatever you decide to do, all of us here at Wonkette would like to wish you happiness and good health this Festive period. And remember, if you see the Mari Lwyd at your door … be ready with some amazing poetry, or hide the cake!

Serve an unfrosted slice with a nice cup of tea, or cover with marzipan and frosting for a simple Christmas cake.

Join me in the New Year for an indulgent treat - Sticky Toffee Pudding! Until then..

Share joy, share love, share (Christmas) cake!