285 Comments
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Grizzly's avatar

I was raised Mormon(I got better) and when I first saw this I immediately thought of Joseph Smith's "vision"

https://www.youtube.com/wat...

Grizzly's avatar

I quit the more harmful of the two decades ago. I haven't yet wanted to quit smoking.

Grizzly's avatar

IIRC you don't get the magic undies until after you have or Temple wedding, which is called "Being Sealed" to your spouse.

Lefty Mark's avatar

If the icon looks like a magnetic compass, with an electric blue face and a red and white needle, it's Safari.

Lefty Mark's avatar

And if there is no icon, you have to start the browser by typing commands on a command line and every web page appears as white or colored text on a black background with no images, you are using Lynx.

(But you're not since you are seeing autoplay ads, which don't display in Lynx.)

Operation American Jesus®'s avatar

Who needs the exhausting upkeep of your own planet after death when you can experience the Garden of Eden right now by moving to Joplin fucking Missouri? Joseph Smith read that on magic rocks buried inside the dark confines of a stovepipe hat SO IT MUST BE TRUE! Study it out, y'all.

eddi_TBH's avatar

The porn center in my brain just blew a fuse.

eddi_TBH's avatar

When the people who set your moral compass offend your sense of morality, it's time to throw the key in the water bucket and ride out.

eddi_TBH's avatar

I got the same joke, but with Baptists.

eddi_TBH's avatar

From the Rant of the SubGenius' "I told Jesus I wasn't going to church anymore AND HE SHOOK MY HAND!"

Lynn A Myers's avatar

asshole scammer...............how does it feel to be hated by so many people?

thirdeblue's avatar

One Sunday morning I was taking the kids and dog out for a walk when some well-dressed woman outside of church called to us. We all walked over (the dog was more like dragged over but you get the idea) and the woman demanded why the kids weren't in church. Those kids should be church!

"It's a beautiful morning; we are getting exercise and spending time as a family. I'll take that over getting preached at any day of the week, thank you very much."

Zango Crudmonger's avatar

Damn straight. Fuck those fucking mo's

Zango Crudmonger's avatar

I've a copy somewhere on the shelves, I forget where, purposefully, because it seems the most evil of tomes.