Tight Budget? Walmart Has A ... Wait Just A Fucking Minute, Upworthy. Tabs, Fri., Jan. 12, 2024

WHAT THE FUCK. MORNING NEWS ROUNDUP.

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Another thing that absolutely flabbergasts me that the purported Left gives Joe Biden absolutely no credit on: Getting the fuck out of Afghanistan. (Talking Points Memo)

Wank wank wank, whatever. Trump yells at judge and jury, film at 11. (WE MIGHT NOT EVEN HAVE FILM AT ELEVEN, WE KIND OF DON’T CARE.) — AP

Well of course I’ll read Joan Walsh sum up the “tedious mess” that was Wednesday’s “Republican debate” (Haley and DeSantis only). It means I don’t have to watch it! (The Nation)

Dahlia Lithwick and Mark Joseph Stern enumerate the ways in which Texas and Idaho and Tennessee attorneys general are viciously insulting women who miscarry their pregnancies. It’s bad. (They mention Brittany Watts, the Ohio woman charged with “abuse of corpse” for miscarrying. A grand jury told prosecutors yesterday to fuck off.) And of course there’s the lying and gaslighting too:

During a hearing over [Amanda] Zurawski’s case at the Texas Supreme Court, Beth Klusmann of the Texas attorney general’s office shifted the blame onto doctors: “If a woman is bleeding,” Klusmann said, “if she has amniotic fluid running down her legs—then the problem is not with the law. It is with the doctors.”

Months later, this exact scenario occurred: Kate Cox was bleeding and leaking amniotic fluid. She asked for an abortion. Her doctor could not provide one under Texas law without risking a 99-year prison sentence. That physician sued for permission to obtain one. Paxton immediately fought her lawsuit tooth and nail, accusing Cox of being a shameless liar and threatening to prosecute any health care provider who assisted her in terminating the pregnancy. And he prevailed, securing a Texas Supreme Court decision blocking Cox’s abortion. (She traveled out of state to get it.)

You’ve heard about that one. But there’s more, of course, at Slate.

Meanwhile, Jessica Valenti notes that a woman, Yeniifer Alvarez-Estrada Glick, has actually died because of Texas’s abortion ban now (New Yorker), and it’s not getting much coverage. At the same time, the multi-billion-dollar Catholic hospital chain that treated her for her worsening and ultimately fatal pregnancy has been closing maternity wards and obstetrics departments throughout the country: “The NNU’s study, for example, found that after Ascension closed an obstetrics unit in one of their Florida hospitals in 2019, the maternal death rate in the county more than doubled by 2021.” — Abortion Every Day

West Virginia up with the worst anti-trans bill in the country to date: No care for minors (defined as up to 21) and all social workers and therapists now have to try to “cure” them. (Erin in the Morning) Meanwhile, Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine’s play at “moderate,” which we bought, was covering a very polite way to make sure nobody can actually get the unvetoed care. (The New Republic)

Why are 1500 Americans still dying of COVID every week? ABC asks and answers, right there in the dek: “Experts say some Americans aren't accessing available vaccines and treatments.” Welllllll huhhhhh. (ABC News)

Imagine being eBay and spending all this time and money harassing to hell and back a little couple with a little blog. Sounds like something Elno would do. (AP) Ina and David Steiner’s victim impact statement (they’re still pisssssed the CEO who ordered the harassment was never even questioned). (EcommerceBytes)

From the comments, and from 2021, McSweeney’s thinks you should get vaccinated. They think it a LOT.

The last Native Hawaiian princess died last year at 96. Her multi-hundred-million-dollar estate (she also was descended from an Irish sugar baron) has been finalized. She leaves $40 million to her wife, millions to others such as housekeepers and an informally adopted son, and a hundred million dollars to Native Hawaiian culture and relief. I love the almost centenarian gay princess! (AP)

Sorry, WHAT THE FUCK. “Tight budget? Walmart has a new 'buy now, pay later' self-check-out option.” UPWORTHY. UPWORTHY. <Goes to pour another drink.> <Not at link, has to google>: “Affirm’s APR is between 0-36 percent.”

Unfuckingbelievable.

If you are shopping on Amazon anyway — check your APR if you’re doing some fucking “pay later” — this button gives us a small commission on everything you put in your cart until you check out or close tab, whichever comes first. You can also find it on our homepage on the left hand side under “clickies.”

I just want to throw Wonkette some money!