Tim Pawlenty Wants Children To Abstain From Sex, Especially With His Hot Wife

Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty has decided to pass up $850,000 in federal sex education funds, because he would rather waste his state's own money to teach children about "abstinence." Have fun, kids:  

Reproductive rights groups chastised Gov. Tim Pawlenty Monday for refusing federal money for comprehensive sex education in exchange for abstinence-education funds that will cost the state hundreds of thousands of dollars. Advocates say Pawlenty’s decision to opt for the more expensive — and controversial — program arises from his presidential ambitions and not the best interests of the state.

This abstinence education program will involve showing Minnesota children a video of Tim Pawlenty coming home from work and telling his wife he's "not in the mood" for sexytime because he is so tired from rejecting federal funding all day long. Just kidding, Tim Pawlenty rocks his wife's world every single night for hours and hours, because she is so hot. You kids had better stay away from her because you don't know anything about safe sex and you might have an accident ("anchor baby"), which is not a big deal actually because according to your abstinence textbook Jesus loves everybody, even accidents, maybe.