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Time For Hillary And Bernie To Call Each Other Big Hairy Dumb Stupidheads Again!
Exclusive footage from tonight's Democratic debate.
Oh look it's time to do another Democratic debate because might as well. The New Hampshire primary is over, and now Hillary and Bernie are heading to Nevada and then South Carolina, and who's winning? DEMOCRACY IS WINNING. As usual, you have questions about what will happen at the debate tonight, and we have bullshit jokes for you.
Is it really time for another debate? Didn't Hillary and Bernie do this like six minutes ago?
[contextly_sidebar id="Wt7ADlE5Q6m6fTUiZBD4p9k1XGH1v8dM"]Yes it is, and yes they did,but we guess there was some so-called "New Hampshire primary" in between, so it's a whole new world now. Fuck this whole rigmarole, that's what we say.
Hey, we heard Carly Fiorina dropped out of the Republican race, do you think Hillary is going to begin the debate by proclaiming, "MY VAGINA IS THE EMPRESS OF YOUR VAGINA, LADY"?
Haha, no silly, that's what she says to Huma!
What station is this business on?
It is the PBS, you know, the one that pimps tote bags at your face for donations and airs the "Sesame Street" program!
A PBS debate?! What's it gonna be, just a buncha Oscar The Grouch questions about living in trash cans while Elmo begs Bernie to tickle his belly?
Well Elmo IS a Millennial, so ...
No but for honest, who is moderating this debate? Big Bird and who?
Big Bird and Gwen Ifill and Judy Woodruff.
Are Daddy Bernie and Mommy Hillary gonna fight again?
Maybe! They sure did during the last debate, but maybe they just needed to get it out of their systems and this time they can go back to lightly dick-punching each other over who's an Establishment and who's a Swedish Commie-sexual and who's a Wall Street Benghazi-face and who's a dumb Socialism butthead-face and OH MY GOD THEY ARE PROBABLY GONNA FIGHT.
Sorry : (
Will the candidates finally take a bold stand on how awesome the new Beyoncé song is?
Nah. Hillary will say her name wrong, like BAY-on-say, and Bernie will say the song was hard to snap his fingers or do the Charleston to, unlike the songs those sessy Lawrence Welk girls do (who also air on the PBS!), because no matter who you are supporting for Democratic president of America, IT IS A OLD PERSON.
We can listen to that song though some more, together:
Bet that hot Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau would say Beyoncé's name good and also do other stuff good too.
Aw shucks, we were wondering how you were going to bring him up, since you ALWAYS ask about him in American presidential debate preview posts. OK fine, here is a picture of Trudeau gazing with sweet sex in his eyes at your president Barry Barack Obummer, while UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon looks on approvingly:
All right, fine, how do I watch the Big Bird debate?
It starts at 9 PM ET, which is probably a different time in different time zones, WE DON'T FEEL LIKE MATHING FOR YOU DUMB-DUMBS.
And you will be liveblogging, yes?
We always do, because we love you, anyway, give us money.