Time To Shed Real Tears: Former Congresscritter Is Much Better Than You Will Ever Be At Stealing Money

 
Are you sitting at your job wonking instead of working and feeling a little bit smug because you're grafting from The Man, who is currently paying you to make dick jokes in a blog comment section? Of course you are! You should really be grifting on a MUCH bigger scale. Step up your game like former Representative Heather Wilson (R-NM/Sweetass Coin) and collect a cool $20K a month from federally funded nuclear labs for doing...well, no one knows, really:

Former U.S. Rep. Heather Wilson collected nearly half a million dollars in questionable payments from four federally funded nuclear labs after she left office, the Energy Department's inspector general says in a new report.

Wilson failed to provide documentation for the work she did to earn $20,000 a month from the Los Alamos and Sandia national labs in New Mexico from January 2009 to March 2011, the report said. Officials at the Nevada Test Site and Oak Ridge National Laboratory in Tennessee acknowledged there "were no deliverables" associated with $30,000 the two labs paid Wilson. Sandia had Wilson lobby for more defense dollars, an apparent violation of her contract, the report said.

You poor saps. You probably have "deliverables" at work, which is one of the saddest terms to grace modern business-speak ever. Translation: you probably have to do something, every goddamn day, in order to continue to get paid. (Or if you are a blogger at Some Places, your "deliverables" get you "exposure.") But this is not true if you are on the congress-lobbyist money-go-round! Either way, taxpayer money gets dumped into your maw as if you were Scrooge McDuck. No, really. This is cartoon-level amounts of money to do nothing. Not only to do nothing but to do DOUBLE NOTHING and get paid from TWO PLACES AT ONCE.

Bet you don't feel so smug now, commenters. Hell, you probably can't waste $20K of your employer's time in a YEAR, much less in a month. You're like a baby grifter. Maybe a toddler grifter if you work really hard at not working. Heather Wilson? Heather Wilson is a grown woman drifter, everybody. You will never have an opportunity to get that much cash for doing nothing.

We're off to the picket lines for the rest of the day to protest the Editrix and Dok Zoom's oppressive regime whereby they actually make us do things for the paltry money they pay us. Some socialist paradise this place is.

[ AP]