To Do: Be Morally Conflicted

•Scramble for the remaining tickets to see Wonkette dream date Jon Stewart at Constitution Hall (brought to you by Clear Channel). [ Ticketmaster ]

•Weigh in on such important issues as "The Great Australian Regional Debate" at the Washington Food and Wine Festival. (Isn't it cute how they include "food"?) [ Wine Expos ]

•Witness chin-stroking. The Avalon theater is showing "The Passion" but with a caveat: "Due to the controversial nature of this film, no one will be admitted." Just kidding, they're "showing it in a constructive, educational context," like with panels and stuff. [ TheAvalon.org ]

•Express mock surprise when an Oscar winner says something political. [ Oscar ]

•Even better: Drink when an Oscar winner says something political, with "The Oscars Drinking Game" (Sean Penn edition) as your guide. [ The Oscars Drinking Game ]

•Best idea yet: Watch the Oscars at a place where drinks are served. [ Oscars Party @ Arlington Cinema 'n' Drafthouse , Oscar Party @ Visions ]

•Go ask Steven "One of the Twenty Sexiest People on the Internet" Johnson if he remembers Wonkette from back in the day. He'll be talking about his new book, "Mind Wide Open," for which he "subjected his own brain to a variety of tests." (We stopped testing our brain after grad school, thanks.) [ Politics and Prose ]

•Mock McSweeney's contributor Ben Greenman. You'll think of something. Reading from the "re-mix" of his 2001 collection "Superbad," called "Superworse." [ Olssons ]

•Be creeped out by the Pauline Kael-anointed high-brow horror of "Eyes Without a Face." [ AFI Silver ]