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Totally Unknown Colorado Jesus Freak Also Secret Homosexual
We ignored the tragic tale of Reverend Paul Barnes for several days, because he's not exactly a White House insider like supergay meth-addict Ted Haggard. But the forbidden man-love troubles of Rev. Paul led the Colorado evangelical pastor to resign in shame Monday, and his congregation of 2,100 anti-gay suburban Jesus Freaks will somehow get through this difficult time by secretly masturbating to gay porn on the Internets.
Don't be sad about Barnes' low profile -- they're aren't even any pictures of him online -- because a "prominent evangelical leader in Colorado believes there could be more pastors losing their jobs in sex scandals." It's going to be a self-hating closeted Gay Prickmas after all!