Tragedy Strikes Really Good Wine, Evolutionary Misfits, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

At least it's Friday! (Sorry, that was mean. Let's try it again.) At least it's -- nah, screw it. It is Monday. We'll just have to soldier on. Somehow.

• In case you missed it, there was a semi-decent-sized earthquake in California (or what we natives call "worth maybe looking up from your desk for a second"-sized). Yes, there was some damage to some buildings, and yes, there were some injuries to human people, and that is sort of sad, but here is the REAL tragedy:

  CNN host Ana Cabrera said on Sunday that it was “heartbreaking” to see images of broken wine bottles after a magnitude 6.0 earthquake hit Napa, California.

  In the aftermath of the quake that injured nearly 90 people in Napa alone, Cabrera invited Silver Oak winery CEO David Duncan to talk about photos of broken wine bottles that he had tweeted.

  “We did have some damage, a few barrels — we had three barrels fall, and some wine bottles went down,” Duncan explained. “I tweeted a picture this morning.”

  “We’re showing it to our viewers right now,” Cabrera pointed out. “It’s heartbreaking to see that image, especially if you are a wine lover. But also knowing that this impacts your livelihood.”

  Whatever you do, don't pour one out for wine lovers everywhere. They've already lost enough.

• Here, enjoy a picture of New Hampshire Sen. Kelly Ayotte posing with the world's biggest ribbed-for-her-pleasure condom.

•  Suuuuuuuuuuuure :

  Victor White III, the New Iberia man who State Police said shot and killed himself in March while in custody in the backseat of a sheriff's car, was shot in the chest, according to a report from the Iberia Parish Coroner's Office.

  The Iberia Parish Coroner's Office has released only the first page of the autopsy report, which contradicts statements initially made by State Police who said White shot himself in the back while handcuffed in the back of a sheriff's unit.

  Anyone else starting to think they need to teach a class in cop school on how to come up with better cover stories that do not sound COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS? Or maybe just don't kill people. There's always that.

• California willnotbe letting its Confederate freak flag fly, since apparently that was an issue :

  California lawmakers hauled down the Confederate flag this week -- figuratively speaking -- as both houses of the state legislature gave final approval to a bill banning the state government from displaying or selling items featuring the Civil War emblem.

  The bill, AB 2444, passed the last legislative hurdle on Thursday when the California State Assembly voted yes 66-1, with only former gubernatorial candidate Tim Donnelly (R-Twin Peaks) voting no, the Los Angeles Times reported. The measure would still permit the flag's use in school textbooks, public museums and other educational settings. [...]

  "I abhor racism," Donnelly wrote on his Facebook page, "but this bill is antithetical to the first amendment, which was designed to protect controversial forms of speech."

  There's always gotta be some guy who doesn't understand the First Amendment, right? And that guy has always gotta be some doucheface Republican. It is the law.

•  Cool science stuff is cool:

  What has 20 legs, 14 sharp spikes on its back and a head that's really hard to distinguish from its rear end? Scientists didn't know either -- until recently.

  It's called Hallucigenia because researchers have scratched their heads over where it fits among life forms since its fossil was discovered in the Burgess Shale of Canada's Rocky Mountains in the early 1970s. Unable to determine any living thing that evolved from it, they called it an "evolutionary misfit" for decades.

• Shockingly, Americans are not so down with police using military weapons:

  Most Americans think it's unnecessary for the police to use military weapons as tools for law enforcement, according to a new HuffPost/YouGov poll. [...]

  Democrats in the poll said by a 63 percent to 21 percent margin that they think militarization of local police is going too far, and independents said so by a 52 percent to 26 percent margin. On the other hand, Republicans were more likely to say that police use of military weapons and armored vehicles is necessary than that it's going too far, 44 percent to 34 percent.

• Our friend Dan Savage (no, it's true, we totally hung out one time) keeps us current on all things sexytime-related. ALL things .

So what has you laughing, crying, and/or saying "screw it, I'm making this a three-day weekend and going back to bed" today?