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Trump Executed By Deep State, But Don't Worry He Got Better
Arraigned! We mean arraigned! God, we are bad at verbs.
Well, the thing happened.
Donald Trump cried.
Shut up, Milk Toast, it is a hilarious day.
Then Donald Trump cried some more, and also bitched and moaned.
And then Donald Trump got to courthouse and they said "Are you guilty?" and he said "Nope" and then Aileen Cannon, the most serious judge in all the planet, used all her judge knowledge to say "CASE DISMISSED!" because she knows that the Constitution says as long as Donald Trump does things in the middle of Fifth Avenue, they're not illegal. She's a shitty judge.
Then the Deep State executed him anyway! But then he got better!
OK, we may be fudging some facts here, LMAO @ us. Aileen Cannon did not dismiss the case. There were no executions. The Constitution doesn't say what street Trump has to be on to commit crimes.
Here's a video of old Dumpy the Wiener Clown going off to get his arraignment:
“Trump departs for the courthouse today to be arrested, booked, and arraigned on multiple federal felonies.”
— Ron Filipkowski (@Ron Filipkowski) 1686680869
Trump was arraigned. He said "not guilty." They did not take a mugshot of him, we guess because he still gets special treatment for some fucking reason. They took a mugshot of his accomplice "Waltine," though.
Trump is not allowed to have contact with witnesses -- fat fuckin' chance -- but he got to keep his passport.
“Jack Smith looked at former President Trump throughout much of the arraignment, but Trump did not once look at Smith, @rachelvscott reports.”
— Katherine Faulders (@Katherine Faulders) 1686686376
We believe in legal terms that is known as BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK.
There were no riots or anything. It's fine. Maybe we shouldn't always lose our shit assuming there will be. We also need to remember that Donald Trump's support is loud, but it's a dwindling minority of Americans. The people who showed up were useless morons. Some Trump idiots on the internet were upset nobody showed up. Fuck 'em.
Fox News thought Melania was there but it wasn't Melania, just some other white lady. Fox News is REAL stupid.
Trump is going back to Bedminster tonight, and a cohort of the worst Americans currently alive will be joining him so he can cry more about Deep State or whatever, as if anybody who matters will be listening. Also some very stupid Americans will be joining him:
“Republican leadership was counting on full attendance today to force VP Harris to come break the tie on Jared Bernstein. But Sen. Tuberville missed the cloture vote just now, so Republicans are furious. Tuberville is headed to Bedminster for Trump’s event tonight…”
— Andrew Desiderio (@Andrew Desiderio) 1686683673
Jesus Christ, that idiot. TUBS!
Anyway, that's what happened this afternoon. It was funny.
Stock market is kicking ass today.
J.D. Vance is being a little bitch, huffing like he's gonna hold up all Joe Biden's DOJ nominees until they stop saying the law applies to Donald Trump.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
Just got to BlueSky!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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