Trump Calls Sean Hannity To Beg For Tongue Bath, Receives One

Let's get those hearings started, House Democrats, because it's time to impeach the motherfucker, CHOP CHOP.

Don't worry, octogenarian Fox News viewers who can't find the clicker and truly believe Hillary Clinton is a murderer! Even during these times of tribulation, as the Fox News judge is telling the truth about Donald Trump's criminality, Sean Hannity is still ready, willing and available to completely cancel the schedule for the rest of his show so he can give Trump a 45-minute tongue bath over the phone.

The biggest news (we suppose) is that Trump went full authoritarian , calling the Russia investigation a literal coup to try to overthrow the United States government (because with authoritarians, it's always about how they're the victim), and Hannity totally agreed and said the non-Fox News media owes Trump an apology, blah blah blah, you know how this song and dance goes.

Afterward, we assume Hannity and Trump each enjoyed a nice menthol cigarette while they basked in the afterglow.

[ia_video https: //s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F11838-trumphannity1.mp4 source="https://s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F11838-trumphannity1.mp4" autoplay=true feedbacks=true shortcode_id=1556292076834 expand=1 ]

As Steve Benen points out over at the MaddowBlog, the "coup" thing wasn't a one-off from Trump. He excerpts the transcript:

"Really, it's a coup," Trump said. "It's spying. It's everything that you can imagine. It's hard to believe in this country that we would have had that…. I really say, now we have to get down because this was a coup. This was an attempted overthrow of the United States government."

He added, "This was a coup. This wasn't stealing information from an office in the Watergate apartments. This was an attempted coup. And it's like a third world country – and inconceivable."

That's right, the RUSSIA INVESTIGATION was "like a Third World Country," as opposed to the unelected president who committed at least three-thousand-eleven crimes to try to obstruct the lawful investigation, and definitely not his presidential campaign, which at the very least jizzed itself with excitement every time the hostile foreign government of Russia weighed in on the election on Trump's behalf, and also seems to have committed some conspiracy crimes with Russia that Mueller might have been able to prosecute if Trump people like Paul Manafort hadn't destroyed the evidence. 

What's funny is that Trump's not wrong about this being bigger than Watergate and an attempted (successful?) coup. It's just that it was Russia doing the coup, and the attempted overthrow of the United States government involved installing President Shitstain in the Oval Office. (Remember the rule about when Trump accuses somebody else of something, it usually means he's doing that very thing in more fucked up ways than you could imagine? Applies here.)

As Benen points out, on one hand, this is kind of "La-di-dah, Trump's accusing the Deep State of doing a coup on Hannity, what a delusional fucking shitferbrains loser he is." But on the other hand, IT'S KIND OF FUCKED UP THAT THIS IS THE SITTING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND THAT CONGRESS ISN'T CURRENTLY REMOVING HIM BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. When you combine this with Trump's actions -- especially the way he has decided his White House is simply above the law and unaccountable to Congress -- you come to the inescapable conclusion that the clock is ticking, he's becoming more lawless, and he needs to be removed from office as soon as fucking possible.

Period.

As he's wont to do, Trump vomited out word salad to Hannity about Peter Strzok and his text messages and whoever else's names the syphilis squirrels who live in his brain (allegedly!) cued up for him. And, the president bitched, the Mueller Report didn't include any of that stuff!

On this one, we really should go to the transcript, just to feast our eyes on the president's current ability to string thoughts together in English:

[ia_video https: //s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F11841-trumpmarshall.mp4 source="https://s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F11841-trumpmarshall.mp4" autoplay=true feedbacks=true shortcode_id=1556294458101 expand=1 ]

The biggest problem with the Mueller Report, he didn't mention ANY OF THIS. He didn't mention Strzok and McCabe and Comey and the lies and the leaks and the overthrow and the whole thing with the Hillary Clinton got a win 100 million to one, two lovers, two sick lovers, especially the one. I mean, these were like children.

THAT'S RIGHT, MISTER PRESIDENT! MM HMM, YOU BETCHA! SAY MORE OF YOUR UNFILTERED THOUGHTS!

Elsewhere in the interview, Hannity asked Trump if he regrets that seven seconds on election night in 2016 when he decided that maybe Hillary Clinton should NOT be lock-her-upped, and Trump said no, he does not regret it, but reassured Hannity that he has since changed his tune, which probably made Hannity feel better, because why in the hell is Hannity wasting his nightly monologue inventing Hillary crimes out of whole cloth if Trump isn't going to lock her up? That would be A Outrage.

Trump also talked to Hannity -- like we said, they talked for A LONG TIME, it was like they televised one of their well known after-hours sexxx chats -- about the Democratic primary. He is "rooting for" Pete Buttigieg (probably wants to call him a faggot during a debate), and said Kamala Harris "has a little bit of a nasty wit," which we assume means something perverted in his old puss-grabbing brain, but we aren't inclined to explore it further. Maybe he just means she is a Nasty Woman who is way fucking smarter than he is even on his "good" days, which would just be factcheck true.

Oh yeah, and he talked some more shit about John McCain, who remains dead.

As usual, dear sweet Aaron Rupar over at Vox watched it all and grabbed video clips for Wonkette to steal, so in case you hate yourself and want to watch highlights, keep reading!

Here's Trump reminding everyone (intentionally) of that time he read the tree stump rings of his own Big Mac shits and divined that Obama had done a "wire tapp," and even making sure we remember how he put "wire tapp" in quotes. He says this is just an example of how he had a "hunch" based on his own mental brilliance, because obviously he was right about that!

[ia_video https: //s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F11839-trumphannity2.mp4 source="https://s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F11839-trumphannity2.mp4" autoplay=true feedbacks=true shortcode_id=1556293282829 expand=1 ]

Here's Trump saying Hillary Clinton sent "hundreds of thousands of text messages or emails" and that she did it "through the Weiner server," because that's how computers work.

[ia_video https: //s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F11840-trumphannity3.mp4 source="https://s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F11840-trumphannity3.mp4" autoplay=true feedbacks=true shortcode_id=1556293423675 expand=1 ]

Here's Trump saying Hawaii Senator Mazie Hirono not only believes that the Green New Deal will outlaw airplanes, which means she won't be able to travel back and forth from Hawaii, but that she'll vote for it anyway. It's about as dumb as everything else he lies about!

[ia_video https: //s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F11842-trumphannity4.mp4 source="https://s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F11842-trumphannity4.mp4" autoplay=true feedbacks=true shortcode_id=1556295195958 expand=1 ]

And finally, here is Hannity giving Trump a real nice lick-down over how he had the right to fire anybody he wanted to, including Mueller and Comey and all the rest of the Deep State, by virtue of the powers vested in him by Article II of the Constitution. Trump responds by acknowledging that yes, he could have done that, because of Article II, and it's fairly obvious Trump doesn't know who or what an "Article II" even is, but whatever, as long as Trump doesn't know the Constitution or the laws, then it's like he's not even breaking them, right????

[ia_video https: //s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F11843-trumphannity5.mp4 source="https://s3.amazonaws.com/roar-assets-auto.rbl.ms/runner%2F11843-trumphannity5.mp4" autoplay=true feedbacks=true shortcode_id=1556295448123 expand=1 ]

How fucking embarrassing for everyone involved. It's not hard to see why every adult professional journalist at Fox News is ashamed of what happens on that network every night.

As for Trump, let's get those hearings started, House Democrats, because it's time to impeach the motherfucker, CHOP CHOP.

[ MaddowBlog ]

 Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!  

 Wonkette is ad-free and funded ONLY by YOU, our dear readers. if you've got any extra money left over at the end of this month, please fucking GIVE IT.