Trump Can Appeal Any Damn Fool Thing He Likes. He's Still A Loser Sex Pest.

This week was a hell of a year.

It's been four days since a jury in New York found Donald Trump liable for sexual abuse and defamation of E. Jean Carroll. In that time, the former president's allies have contorted themselves into pretzels to spin this as a win because there was no finding of liability on the rape count.

Alan Dershowitz acknowledged the jury finding that Trump "kinda molested her," but called it a "Rorschach verdict” which would allow each side to claim victory. He went on to explain that Trump couldn't possibly have defamed Carroll because the jury didn't believe the rape charge and more or less affirmed that she's a liar. The technical legal term for that is "horseshit." The jury assessed $3 million of the $5 million award for defamation, and a finding that Carroll was slightly hazy on which part of his body that orange animal managed to penetrate her with is no kind of exoneration.

Dersh went on to confidently predict that anyone "not named Trump" would easily win on appeal, based on multiple grounds including the fact that the jury was anonymous. In point of fact, Judge Lewis Kaplan announced his intention to have an anonymous jury on January 17 and told the parties to raise any objections by February 7. Neither Carroll nor Trump did, meaning that the issue was totally waived on appeal. Media intervenors did seek to learn the names of the jurors, though, prompting the court to issue a nine-page ruling detailing the many times Trump had unleashed the mob on court personnel, jurors, and civil servants, and noting that the state courthouse across the street had been inundated with protestors summoned by Trump while suffering a wave of bomb threats after Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg dared to indict him. So leaving aside the cold reality that the issue of the anonymous jury is off the table ... yes, Dersh is right that someone "not named Trump" might get a different reception on appeal, so long as that person had no history of using his massive platform to incite violence.

Meanwhile over on Truth Social, Trump was losing his shit in a multi-burp tirade that only ended when CNN allowed him to drop his drawers and take a dump onstage for his adoring fans. Which is not the behavior of someone who is laboring under the impression that he actually "won" the case, even partially.

And as if to confirm, Trump immediately noticed his appeal of the entire jury verdict, which is not something you tend to do if you think you won. He's not required to say yet on what grounds he intends to challenge the lower court ruling, but the appeal is likely to center on the evidence Judge Kaplan admitted and excluded. Trump will say that the propensity evidence — that is, the testimony of the two other women who accused him of assault in similar circumstances as well as the "Access Hollywood" tape was unduly prejudicial. He'll also argue that it was reversible error for the court to exclude evidence of Carroll's litigation funding, his DNA, and, bizarrely, the fact that her cat was named "Vagina." (Because it's totally legal to abuse someone with a slutty name for her cat???)

To reverse the case, Trump would have to prove abuse of discretion by the trial judge, an almost insurmountable standard. But he'll probably be able to stop Carroll, who is almost 80, from getting the money for at least a year. Trump has also promised to sue Carroll and her lawyer Roberta Kaplan for defamation, but he talks a lot of shit.

In the meantime, the court has unsealed a veritable flood of lunatic motions filed by Trump's supporters, in case you wanted to spend your weekend reading a disquisition on rape laws from1880 or a 50-page, handwritten manifesto from someone who claims "First, defendant is my half brother. He suffers from bipolar disorder, as do I."

Well, it's a lot. But the important thing to remember is that Trump lost, and E. Jean Carroll won. And it is almost certain to stay that way on appeal.

Catch Liz Dye on Opening Arguments podcast.

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