221 Comments

Stollen. Who doesn’t like stollen?

Expand full comment

"Notice how he compulsively says “I come under the Presidential Records Act” like it’s the only way he was ever taught how to combine those seven words."

The key to Trump's communication style.

Expand full comment

"I don't talk about anything."

"They're all liars! They're lying about what actually happened! When do I get to tell MY version of events?"

"OK, what's your version of events?"

"I can't talk about it right now."

"Um, that's not much of a version."

Expand full comment

If Trump's lawyers have even half a braincell between all of them, there's no way they'll let him testify. They will literally drug him into oblivion than let him testify, because he won't answer a single question put to him. He'll just keep babbling on and on about unrelated nonsense because he'll assume eventually everyone else will just give up and leave him alone. In any court except Cannon's, the judge would lose their shit with that kind of behavior and throw his ass in jail for contempt.

Cannon will probably just sit there with an inane smile on her face, then act like the defense is up its own ass when they demand she make Trump stay on topic.

Expand full comment

My diseased brain keeps changing "come" to "cum" and now I feel like taking a bleach shower.

Expand full comment

Or bleach injection. What has once been read cannot be unread.

Expand full comment

Reading these extracts from a friendly interview it is obvious why Trump wants to skip the debates, He can't answer questions in real time and he replies border on gibberish.

Expand full comment

I still think the triple repetition of Russia every time he talks about it is a sign of some mental problems. He always called Hillary Clinton Crooked Hillary, but, this time, he called her Hillary Clinton. He still said Russia, Russia, Russia over and over.

Expand full comment

"Notice how he compulsively says “I come under the Presidential Records Act” like it’s the only way he was ever taught how to combine those seven words."

It's the same thing, I think. I do not happen to think it's "mental problems" (wtf do I know?), I think it is the way he has always operated. He learns a line and repeats, repeats, repeats it until he wins, or at least loses less. He thinks he will win because often people just get tired of his shit, throw up their hands, and walk off smh.

To those of us with any sensitivity to language at all, this is like salt in an open wound. His neologisms are stale on delivery, and need we go into his intonation? It's worth a book.

Expand full comment

nah brady bunch.

Expand full comment

The PAB testifying in any of his trials would guarantee a successful insanity defense.

Expand full comment

Make it Georgia. Televised, his testimony could very well win an Emmy.

Expand full comment

Someone should tell him that, we all know he is obsessed with getting an Emmy.

Expand full comment

I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass than to listen to TFG bloviate ...

Expand full comment

One of the many, many, many positive things about that piece of shit no longer squatting in the WH is that I'm never forced to listen to him anymore. He probably has the most annoying voice and "speaking" style of anyone in history. Nails on a fucking chalkboard is more appealing.

Expand full comment

He sounds like someone who hates him, and is also good at impressions, doing a vicious parody of him.

Expand full comment

He's gonna get even fatter eating all of that stollen.

Expand full comment

Sad kindergartner libel!

Expand full comment

> a one-word answer is not appropriate for about 95 percent of the questions.

That might be one of the last reasonably-sane things he ever says.

Expand full comment

"Rigged and Stollen" wasn't that a buddy-cop movie from the 90s?

Expand full comment

::announcer voice:: She's a chimp. He's the Pope. They're cops.

Expand full comment

Wasn't that the rip off sequel to Lethal Weapon that was gonna have Carrot Top and Jimmie JJ Walker playing the leads?

Expand full comment

The stollen's definitely only half-baked

Expand full comment

Someone tell him we'd all buy tickets to watch him tesssify. That he'd make millions off the PPV. And just THINK of the RATINGS! Way more better than Loser Joe President if HE ever took the stand in a trial! Which he will! Soon! MAGA!!!!!!!! That'll get him on the stand fer SURE y'all!

Expand full comment

If Trump ever did take the stand, I’d give the prosecutor less than three minutes before they trick him into admitting he ordered the code red on Private Santiago.

Expand full comment

he's already testifying, he just doesn't know it

Expand full comment

If Fred Trump had gone into religion instead of real estate, we'd all have front row seats to The Imbecilic Gemstones now.

Expand full comment