Trump Has Only Just Begun To Finish Losing War He Started In Iran
Two weeks, baby!
Early this morning on Truth Social, Donald Trump, while presumably sleeping nude on all fours atop his golden bedpan in his golden bed, declared Iran dead:
Iran’s military is a mess and it doesn’t exist and Iran has been completely defeated and Iran is dead and Iran won’t negotiate a deal (like they did with Barack Obama) and now Trump will make Iran pay, even though it is already dead.
‘Kay? ‘Kay.
Moments later:
Nobody has ever seen a bigger blockade of the Strait of Hormuz, nothing gets through, it is impermeable steel, also all the oil is getting through the blockade. Allahu akbar!
‘Kay? ‘Kay. (Praising Allah is his way of being a bigot.)
Yet not 24 hours ago, Trump, presumably in the same naked all-fours “truthing” position, allegedly, atop the golden bedpan in the golden bed, was having to respond to that completely dead Iranian military shooting down a US helicopter busy patrolling the strait that Trump completely controls, Iran does not control, Trump does, the strait that wouldn’t be open right now, and also blockaded, if Trump hadn’t decided to start and immediately lose this war with Iran. Praise Dear Leader!
Well this all feels wonderful and good and like God is in control, yep.
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We hate to be the fake news about this, but we should note that some notable Republicans no longer appear to be buying Trump’s lies and bullshit and reassurances that he even understands what he is currently doing here, much less has an actual plan to get the fuck out of it, now, two weeks from now, or ever.
Laura Ingraham had a question last night:
“We keep hearing their military is destroyed, but if their military is destroyed, how are they continuing to hit us?” Ingraham asked. “I mean, an Apache helicopter costs about $46 million. Not to speak of a potential injury or loss of life.”
Huh. Not sure how committed she is to Sparkle Motion.
Nathan Sales, the former Trump State Department idiot Ingraham was interviewing, said, well, Iran rebuilt its military during the ceasefire.
But she just would not drop it.
“One thing that a lot of Americans can’t really wrap their heads about here is we keep hearing that they’ve been destroyed, decimated. The word is often used ungrammatically …”
No MAGA viewer had any idea what she meant when she said “decimated” is being used “ungrammatically.”
“But nevertheless. We hear that and yet we know there’s extensive damage. These drones are lethal, and they’re easy to make. They’re fairly cheap, and obviously did some damage to us last night over Oman.”
Why must Laura Ingraham insist on insinuating that Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth are fighting a 21st century war with 20th century muskets? Much more of this and Fox News viewers might inadvertently learn something.
Later in the interview, Ingraham reiterated her point that “one thing that a lot of Americans can’t really wrap their heads around” is how the Trump administration has frequently suggested that Iran’s military has been “destroyed” or “decimated,” yet the fighting seemingly never stops.
So Israel is still shooting at Iran and Iran is still shooting at Israel and Trump is still shooting at Iran and Iran is still shooting at the US, and this war is going to be over any day now, just you wait.
CNN reports that Trump has lied 38 times that the Iran war was almost over, just you wait, including this very week, obviously. And CNN brings the receipts, quotes the quotes, all of it.
Including the period before the ceasefire, he’s done it at least 38 times. That’s the number of times he’s said directly — in social media posts, public appearances and phone calls with the media — that a deal was nigh or claimed Iran was desperate to cut one.
There’s no indication that’s any more true today than it was back on April 7. But Trump keeps saying it, either because he’s delusional, trying to calm the financial markets or thinking he can will it into existence.
It started March 23, CNN explains, with Trump telling reporters that there were “major points of agreement, I would say — almost all points of agreement.” He was referring to peace talks with Iran that Iran denied were even happening.
Fast forward through months of Trump saying things like “I think they want to make a deal very badly” and “It’s looking very good that we’re going to make a deal with Iran, and it’s going to be a good deal” and “it will all happen, relatively quickly!” and “close to a very good deal,” all the way to this week.
Sunday: “We are very close to a final deal with Iran. It is going to be a good deal. I don’t want it to blow up because of what is happening now.”
Monday night, calling in to the Lindsey Graham rally: “Total victory” in two weeks!
Wee hours of Tuesday morning, after the basketball game Trump ruined:
“in final throes of what will be a very, very good deal.”
“The strait will open up right away,” Trump added. “It’ll open up immediately upon signing, which could be in two or three days.”
Trump on Truth Social this morning on all fours, allegedly, naked atop the bedpan, allegedly: Iran is DEAD. (See above.)
Trump mere hours later on Fox News, which again was this morning:
Mr. Trump said he “may keep going” with strikes, which he said would target power plants and bridges, because Iranian negotiators are “tapping the United States along[.]”
And then the oil prices will fall so fast you’ll get sick of fast-falling oil prices!
Republican Rep. Carlos Gimenez has a question:
GIMENEZ: “I hate to go depart from my president […] but look, I’m starting to feel like we’re Charlie Brown and Iran is Lucy and every time we go kick the ball, it’s been taken away. You know, we’re close to a deal, we’re two days from a deal, we’re three days from a deal and it’s not happening.
“And so, if I were in Vegas right now, I’d be betting against in two days we’re gonna be right where we are today.”
Sorry, did we say “question”? That’s more of just a Republican congressman saying he’s betting against Donald Trump’s ability to make one single fuck when it comes to progressing this war he started to a reasonable conclusion.
Here is Vice President JD Vance explaining that we are indeed very close to an Iran deal, whether that happens now or a long time from now.
VANCE: Right now, I feel that we are in a position to get a deal that is good for the United States economically and that really does deal with the Iranian nuclear program, not just now, not just while Donald Trump is president, but for the long term, to where my kids can say when they’re adults, ‘Iran is not going to have a nuclear weapon.’
Like they could when Barack Obama was president!
But wait, how soon? Before the midterms? Oh sure, definitely, Vance says!
VANCE: I think we’re going to know a lot before the midterm elections.
That sounds like concepts of a deal before the midterms, don’t it.
VANCE: Look, I think that the deal could happen in the next week, but the deal could also happen months from now.
‘Kay? Kay.
Donald Trump is going to set a world record for losing a war that will literally never end, isn’t he? Here’s Greg Gutfeld — another Fox News guy! — saying basically that:
And here is Jesse Watters — another Fox News guy! — throwing more cold water on Trump’s constant and pathetic claims that the war he started is almost over.
We’re sure we and all of these Republicans and Fox News idiots are just being very unpatriotic and that Defense Secretary Peter Shitfaced could explain to all of us simpletons how this is just the nature of the beer goggles we mean fog of war, but we don’t think anybody can or can’t argue with the fact that America is or is not BACK, BABY.
[Daily Beast / CNN / CBS News]
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Misshun Akomplished!
"Look, I think that the deal could happen in the next week, but the deal could also happen months from now."
We're very close but not in terms of distance. Or time.